Me So Hungry

If someone told me in 1990 that 2 Live Crew's Luther Campbell would eventually have a show on mainstream television, I would have soiled my MC Hammer pants.

I can picture myself standing there, shaking my head back and forth while my enormous, ratted AquaNet-saturated bangs remain motionless. "No way! The guy who's essentially responsible for parental advisory stickers? The guy with songs called 'We Want Some Pussy' and 'The Fuck Shop'? Never. Gonna. Happen."

Fast forward 18 years, and here we are: Luke's Parental Advisory is slated to appear later this year on VH1. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised. Snoop Dogg, Flavor Flav and DMX have all had TV shows, and their notorious activities make Luke's obscenities seem as harmless as vanilla frosted cupcakes. With sprinkles.

Yes, the sky has been falling for a long time -- and I, for one, could not be more delighted! Here are some other erstwhile rappers/shows I'd set my DVR for.

Sir Mix-a-Lot in Baby Got Back
Mix recently told a small Washington newspaper that he likes to summon women up on stage when he performs his signature anthem, but "it's a little hard when I don't have butts to look at and reference to when I'm doing it." Sacrilege! He clearly needs a reality contest to find him a trunk full of junk that's worth taking on tour. Kim Kardashian can help judge.

Vanilla Ice in Breakin' to the Extreme
If there's one thing we learned from his appearances on The Surreal Life or MTV's 25 Lame, it's that Rob Van Winkle LOVES to destroy things (including, but not limited to, his "career"). So why not exploit his anger management issues for entertainment value? We'd like to see him in an interactive show where he annihilates items chosen by viewers, like a Ford Pinto or a storage ottoman or Amy Winehouse's hair helmet.

The Ying Yang Twins in Celebrity Circus: The Freakshow Edition
Step right up, folks! Feast your eyes on men who have more things living in their creepy facial hair than a polygamist ranch! Also this season on Celebrity Circus: George Hamilton (The World's Tallest Oompa Loompa!); Tori Spelling (The Incredible Horse-Faced Woman!); and Pete Doherty (A Real-Life Chemistry Experiment!)

Lil Jon in Size Does Matter
Lil Jon should host this program, where aging rappers whose monikers begin with Lil (Kim, Cease, Jon, Romeo, Bow Wow, Scrappy, Wayne, etc.) compete in Survivor-style challenges. Top prizes include a new pimp cup and a name-changing seminar with P. Diddy and Prince.

MC Hammer in So You Think YOU Can Dance?
Sure, he's become a bit of a punchline (how do you go from having 30 million dollars to filing for bankruptcy?), but one thing can't be denied: MC Hammer smoked mofos on the dance floor. He should consider coaching a Biggest Loser-style fitness show. I was a freakin' twig when the running man was popular, plus watching people do the Roger Rabbit is funny.

Young MC in One Hit Wonder
Cameras follow Young MC while he tracks what's become of his infamous tune,"Bust A Move." He finds the song in various karaoke bars around the country being butchered by frat boys wearing flipped-up collars and strategically ripped jeans. This horrifying experience drive Young MC to alcohol, priming him for an appearance on A&E's Intervention.

Cowboy Troy in No Shame in My Game
The self-proclaimed "hick-hop" artist has somehow fashioned a career from making crappy music that is reviled by hip-hop and country fans alike. No Shame features the music mangler as a consultant that advises businessmen about how to market things that only one percent of people want, such as really small wine glasses, stirrup pants and a one-piece bandanna and wig set.