TV Throwdown: Kim Kardashian Vs. Her Sisters

Knockout siblings Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian have a knack for making family relations look easy. Fun, even.
Sure, they've had a few blowouts on their reality series, Keeping Up With Kardashians. But for the most part, they make this only child wish I had a sis.
However, now that Kourtney and Khloe are branching out with their own upcoming reality show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, is it possible for the sisterly support continue? Or will the claws of competition come out, leaving Kim as an afterthought as her sisters assume center stage?
Well, here, for the moment, they'll spar in a TV Throwdown. After all, a little sibling rivalry never killed anyone.

BOYFRIENDS
Khloe ended her seven-month relationship with Minnesota Timberwolf, Rashad McCants, earlier this year.
Allegedly tired of her man's flirtatious and hard-partying ways, Kourtney also dumped fiance Scott Disick in 2009.
Meanwhile, Kim and Reggie Bush have been going strong for more than a year, and by many reports, are a happy, healthy, normal celebrity couple. Now, how often do you hear something like that?
Score one for Kim.
Kim: 1
Sisters: 0

JOBS
Kim's job essentially involves modeling, making public appearances and filming her TV show. Khloe and Kourtney do sometimes work for a living in their store, Dash, although it's not usually a major plot point in Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
So it will be nice to see Khloe and Kourtney forge out on their own and open a new Dash store in Miami, which is the basic gist of the new show.
But for now, Kim's primary gig of getting paid to model, travel and party seems like a more glamorous life than selling dresses and keeping books.
Kim: 2
Sisters: 0

INTERNET PRESENCE
All three sisters have their own websites, and use Twitter frequently. Kim's pictures are definitely the sexiest, but her blog and Twitter entries are all pretty self-serving.
Kourtney's updates are few and far between and most of them are ho-hum at best.
Khloe's installations are, by far, the funniest (she posted pictures of her mom, Kris, after she passed out and the sisters decorated her face with black eyeliner), the most interactive ("If you opened a candy store, which 5 candies would you have stocked at all times?") and frank (she admitted her profile pic is the mug shot from her DUI charges and that she thinks it's a flattering photo). So Khloe can easily carry Kourtney in this round.
Kim: 2
Sisters: 1

OTHER TV SHOWS
We had high hopes that Kim and her magical booty would rock Dancing With the Stars. Instead, her shyness and lack of skills sent her packing within the first few weeks.
Khloe fared a little better during her stint on Celebrity Apprentice, until Donald Trump fired her upon finding out about her two-year-old DUI. (Way to research your cast, Donald. Khloe has been dealing with the consequences of this DUI on Kardashians for months.)
Anyway, Kim was rightfully let go from DWTS. Khloe, on the other hand, got the shaft. Clint Black was, by far, the biggest disappointment during that episode of Celebrity Apprentice. Considering her unfair departure from the Apprentice, we feel Khloe is the bigger success story here.
Score one for the sisters.
Kim: 2
Sisters: 2

ENDORSEMENTS
We should soon be seeing Kim in all kinds of sexy Pepsi Max ads, a selection of which have been previewed on her personal blog and on various gossip websites. She's also been Twittering about her participation in the Nivea "Goodbye Cellulite, Hello Bikini Challenge."
Khloe's recent nude ads for PETA were definitely hot to trot, and we appreciate her dedication to animals. But many folks see PETA's over-the-top demonstrations a little bit hard to stomach.
So when it comes to user-friendly endorsements, Kim made the smarter choices. Lotion and soda don't really tend to ruffle many feathers.
Kim: 3
Sisters: 2

Bottom line: For now, Kim still has the upper hand here, but just barely. Khloe and Kourtney will definitely get their chance to shine when their new show airs -- and we're looking forward to seeing how they fare when they're out of their more famous sister's shadow. Kourtney seems to be woefully behind the scenes in comparison to the other two, so we're especially looking forward to seeing her come out of her shell a bit.

Pardon the absenteeism....

This blog has been temporarily been interrupted by the extreme fatigue and dizziness caused by the final weeks of pregnancy.

But here are a few things that are on my mind. Because I know you care.

1. I've been increasingly nervous about becoming a capable mother. Then I found out that Kendra Wilkinson of The Girls Next Door fame is pregnant.
She announced the news a few days after the premiere of her new reality show, Kendra, during which she installed a stripper pole in her new house before even thinking about getting furniture or groceries.
When she finally did hit the grocery store, she exclaimed, "I love Rice-a-Roni, but I had no idea it was Mexican food!"
Suddenly, I feel slightly better about my own situation.

2. I went to a labor and delivery class at the hospital last week, which is designed to be educational and make people feel prepared. It scared the shit out of me.

3. I know soap operas are ridiculous, but there are two knocked up women on The Young & The Restless right now, and both of them claim that they can already feel their babies kicking when they're, like, two months along. Give me a fucking break.

4. Why, why, WHY am I watching I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!???? Perhaps to see Janice Dickinson pee in the campsite and steal other people's food? Or is it to see Stephen Baldwin's awesome (read: worst I've ever seen) tattoos?
I mean, American Idol castoff Sanjaya Malakar is by far the most likeable person on the show. I'd rather have him and fellow contestant John Salley live in my guest room for a month than share a one-hour meal with any of these other assholes.

5. I am going to have fondue next week with my friend Javacia and I can't wait. I love her, and I love dipping things into melty goodness.

That is all.

Top 10 Reality Show Meltdowns

Don't lie: You don't watch reality TV to see how much cream cheese your favorite cast member puts on her bagel every morning. You watch to see juicy drama unfold. And when you finally witness some kind of meltdown, it somehow makes all the invested TV time seem a little bit more valid. (Right? Or is that just me?)

Here, I salute 10 of my favorite reality show meltdowns.

10. Michael cries for Mommy
One of the most memorable reality-show exits came courtesy of HGTV's Design Star contestant Michael Stribling, who was full of smart-assery and venom during the competitions. But when he was eliminated, he melted like a Popsicle in a microwave. "This is not the end of me. I have a lot to offer." His face reddened and the tears started flowing. "I just didn't want to disappoint my mom. I want my mom right now. I want my mom."

9. Kesan's slow burn
Getting into arguments over the one house telephone is a common instigator on reality shows. But once Kesan and Creepa's phone fight ended on From G's to Gents, Kesan couldn't let it go. While the rest of the house slept, he stayed awake all night, slowly stewing into an hours-long, sleep-deprived meltdown. "I want revenge," he said. "At this point, everyone is a target and they better watch their backs." By the next day, he was evilly caressing an ink pen and telling housemates, "Next person who say something to me, I'ma try and kill ‘em."
Nobody needed a Bic to the eyeball; the G's snitched on him and home he went.

8. Kim Kardashian abandons her fam
In a days-long tantrum that spanned two episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim finally reached her breaking point while on a family ski trip to Colorado. She and her sisters had been arguing over her purchase of a Bentley and Kim had already swung a giant, full leather satchel at Khloe's head. Once in Colorado, Kim ignored the family in favor of her Blackberry. Kris threw Kim's PDA on the carpet, so Kim found the entire family's phone and started hurling them from the balcony. Then she walked out into the snowy wonderland – wearing heels, if my memory proves correct, and pulling her rolling suitcase behind her – to go back home.

7. Sharon Osbourne douses Megan
Megan Hauserman has made a career of backstabbing people on reality shows, and she definitely rubbed Charm School headmistress/mentor Sharon Osbourne the wrong way. But all hell broke loose at the reunion finale, when a drunken, bikini-clad Megan was full of high-pitched screeches and interruptions. Finally, Sharon calmly told Megan that she should be spayed. Then Megan implied the only reason Sharon was famous was for marrying Ozzy. And Sharon got up, cleared her throat and threw a glass of water all over Megan.
Needless to say, Ricki Lake has replaced Sharon as Charm School leader.

6. Joan and Melissa Rivers: Consummate Professionals
Somehow, the Rivers' missed the whole concept of Celebrity Apprentice: It's a game show where people get kicked off week by week. Upon elimination, Melissa was the sorest loser out there. Instead of leaving with dignity, she deemed her fellow competitors – among other bleeped-out things – "whore pit vipers." Mom Joan got in on the name-calling, too, showing where Melissa learned her sportsmanship skills.

5. Tyra blows a gasket
On America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks' normal personality is that of a mentor, albeit a goofy one, who guides her potential protegees with a firm but gentle hand. But when season four contestant Tiffany displayed a bad attitude and complete indifference, you could visibly see the horns rise from the back of Tyra's head as she exploded in anger, screaming at Tiffany to "SHUT UP!" before reading her the riot act.

4. Bad Girls Beat Down
It's hard to say exactly what provoked Amber's beatdown during a Mexican vacation on the most recent season of the Bad Girls Club. Amber had annoyed the other girls all season, but on this night, Amber had been minding her own business, dancing alone in a nightclub. But when the night came to an end, the other drunken cast members all attacked Amber outside the club, and began kicking her as she laid out on the sidewalk. Amber required medical attention and the cops were called in, but the worst part was that some girls had absolutely no remorse.

3. Sgt. Harvey vs. Screech

While on Celebrity Fit Club, Dustin "Screech" Diamond alienated all his castmates by talking incessantly about his porn tape and his male unit. He took it a step further when he personally insulted all of them, but when he threatened ex-Marine/fitness expert/CFC judge, Sgt. Harvey Walden, Screech was lucky to escape with his life. "You must be out your mind!," Walden screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER F-ING THREATEN ME! I will wear your ass out! ... I'm here to help your fat ass. ... Don't you ever in your f-ing cartoon life ever f-ing threaten me, bitch. I will wear your ass out! You take that to your porn convention!"

2. CT jumps to conclusions
Real World alum CT is no stranger to televised skirmishes. But literally moments into the season premiere of Real World Road Rules Duel II, CT lost his marbles because someone told his ex, Diem, that he had (already) hooked up with busty blonde Shauvon. Katie spilled the beans, but CT assumed it was Adam -- who is half his size and was dressed in a full set of pajamas for a costume party -- and beat the stuffing out of him. CT promised: "I will smash his head and eat it!"

1. Vanilla Ice brings the heat
The Surreal Life Fame Games brought back several of VH1 Surreal Life alum to compete for $100,000. Toward the end of the show, Ron Jeremy cast his vote to eliminate his chum, Vanilla Ice and the Iceman had a meltdown, destroying much of the show's set. He hurled vases, broke giant stage lights, crushed a drum set and screamed in Ron Jeremy's face: "You swore on your mother's grave! BACKSTABBER!" The rest of the cast calmly watched in horror, speechless. Later, Ice proclaimed, "I put him on my album, I told everyone how cool he was." That's OK, Vanilla. We doubt anyone heard it.


Got any favorites I missed?

TV Throwdown: Denise Richards Vs. Kendra Wilkinson: Battle of the Blondes

A few weeks ago, E! unleashed notorious blondes to television viewers in two different reality shows. Starring Kendra Wilkinson of The Girls Next Door fame, Kendra (10 p.m.) will follow the buxom blonde as she lives on her own for the first time and plans her wedding to NFL baller, Hank Baskett.
Actress and former Dancing With the Stars contestant Denise Richards is back for a second season of It's Complicated (11 p.m.), where she navigates Hollywood, dating and motherhood.
So, who are we more willing to set our DVRs for? We'll let you know after we pit the two against each other in five categories in a TV Throwdown:

DAMAGE CONTROL
Most suspect that Richards agreed to a reality show to try and repair her tarnished reputation after her bitter divorce from Charlie Sheen, and after being accused of stealing Richie Sambora from her former best friend, Heather Locklear.
Instead, Richards' program proves she's shallow, inane, not too bright – and above all else – boring. In other words, this show isn't doing her any favors.
Wilkinson, who was a mere civilian before becoming one of Hef's girlfriends, has nothing to lose by doing another show. She has no career to speak of, and she's like a cartoon character, made of flesh (and silicone). Since we don't see her heading off to college any time soon, she might as well make some dough doing this.
Denise: 0
Kendra: 1

FAMOUS EXES
Richards' roster most famously includes Charlie Sheen, 44, who, in his life has appreciated the services of prostitutes; became a born again Christian; overdosed on coke; had five kids (two with Richards); and allegedly verbally assaulted and threatened to kill Richards during their divorce. Richards has also been linked to John Stamos, Patrick Muldoon and Richie Sambora.
Wilkinson's claim to fame is being a girlfriend to Hugh Hefner, 83. Hef enjoys wearing silk pajamas during the daytime; is an athiest; throws ridiculously huge parties at his renowned mansion; is technically still married to spouse Kimberley Conrad, but has multiple, rotating girlfriends; has four kids; and has a constant flow of half-naked women around the house.
Neither make great boyfriend material, but least all of Denise's dudes were within her age range.
Denise: 1
Kendra: 1

LAUGH
Hearing people laugh is supposed to make you feel good and jovial. But listening to these annoying blonde babes cackle gives us both an earache and a headache. Kendra sounds a bit like a monotone Woody Woodpecker, while Denise's guffaws are comparable a female version of Louis in Revenge of the Nerds.
But Kendra loses this round, for the simple fact that she assaults us with her laugh more often than Denise does. She cracks up every time she does something stupid. Which is all the time.
Denise: 2
Kendra: 1

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE
I can say this: There aren't a whole lot of specific moments that stand out in my memory from either woman's past shows. In general, Kendra loves to flash her boobs, play sports and meanders through life on a feeble brain and good looks. Denise has had a mediocre acting career, owns too many pets, swears a lot in front of her kids and leads a pretty dull life.
That said, I'd rather watch Kendra learn to do laundry than see Denise get another spray tan. Denise's promotional teaser for her show says it best: "It doesn't matter if I hit a home run or strike out, at least I'm in the game." Um, if you expect us to waste our time watching your show, it matters to us.
Denise: 2
Kendra: 2

"TALENTS"
Denise's short-lived, uncoordinated stint on Dancing With the Stars was terrible -- almost as bad as her rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," which she unleashed upon a crowd at a Chicago Cubs game.
However, Kendra had the most embarrassing showing when she competed on Celebrity Rap Superstar, often forgetting the words during performances and relying on obscene gyrations to propel her.
Still, Kendra is also pretty athletic, proving herself capable at tennis and flag football in various Girls Next Door episodes. Plus, Denise demonstrated her bottomless pit of talentlessness in two separate categories. Kendra barely squeaks by with the win.
Denise: 2
Kendra: 3

Bottom line: While Kendra grated on my last nerve during The Girls Next Door, she is undeniably entertaining and we plan to tune in. Meanwhile, I fell asleep during numerous episodes of It's Complicated. Denise is a train wreck, but I just don't care. Why this show has been renewed, I will never understand.