Monday, June 8, 2009

Top 10 Reality Show Meltdowns

Don't lie: You don't watch reality TV to see how much cream cheese your favorite cast member puts on her bagel every morning. You watch to see juicy drama unfold. And when you finally witness some kind of meltdown, it somehow makes all the invested TV time seem a little bit more valid. (Right? Or is that just me?)

Here, I salute 10 of my favorite reality show meltdowns.

10. Michael cries for Mommy
One of the most memorable reality-show exits came courtesy of HGTV's Design Star contestant Michael Stribling, who was full of smart-assery and venom during the competitions. But when he was eliminated, he melted like a Popsicle in a microwave. "This is not the end of me. I have a lot to offer." His face reddened and the tears started flowing. "I just didn't want to disappoint my mom. I want my mom right now. I want my mom."

9. Kesan's slow burn
Getting into arguments over the one house telephone is a common instigator on reality shows. But once Kesan and Creepa's phone fight ended on From G's to Gents, Kesan couldn't let it go. While the rest of the house slept, he stayed awake all night, slowly stewing into an hours-long, sleep-deprived meltdown. "I want revenge," he said. "At this point, everyone is a target and they better watch their backs." By the next day, he was evilly caressing an ink pen and telling housemates, "Next person who say something to me, I'ma try and kill ‘em."
Nobody needed a Bic to the eyeball; the G's snitched on him and home he went.

8. Kim Kardashian abandons her fam
In a days-long tantrum that spanned two episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim finally reached her breaking point while on a family ski trip to Colorado. She and her sisters had been arguing over her purchase of a Bentley and Kim had already swung a giant, full leather satchel at Khloe's head. Once in Colorado, Kim ignored the family in favor of her Blackberry. Kris threw Kim's PDA on the carpet, so Kim found the entire family's phone and started hurling them from the balcony. Then she walked out into the snowy wonderland – wearing heels, if my memory proves correct, and pulling her rolling suitcase behind her – to go back home.

7. Sharon Osbourne douses Megan
Megan Hauserman has made a career of backstabbing people on reality shows, and she definitely rubbed Charm School headmistress/mentor Sharon Osbourne the wrong way. But all hell broke loose at the reunion finale, when a drunken, bikini-clad Megan was full of high-pitched screeches and interruptions. Finally, Sharon calmly told Megan that she should be spayed. Then Megan implied the only reason Sharon was famous was for marrying Ozzy. And Sharon got up, cleared her throat and threw a glass of water all over Megan.
Needless to say, Ricki Lake has replaced Sharon as Charm School leader.

6. Joan and Melissa Rivers: Consummate Professionals
Somehow, the Rivers' missed the whole concept of Celebrity Apprentice: It's a game show where people get kicked off week by week. Upon elimination, Melissa was the sorest loser out there. Instead of leaving with dignity, she deemed her fellow competitors – among other bleeped-out things – "whore pit vipers." Mom Joan got in on the name-calling, too, showing where Melissa learned her sportsmanship skills.

5. Tyra blows a gasket
On America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks' normal personality is that of a mentor, albeit a goofy one, who guides her potential protegees with a firm but gentle hand. But when season four contestant Tiffany displayed a bad attitude and complete indifference, you could visibly see the horns rise from the back of Tyra's head as she exploded in anger, screaming at Tiffany to "SHUT UP!" before reading her the riot act.

4. Bad Girls Beat Down
It's hard to say exactly what provoked Amber's beatdown during a Mexican vacation on the most recent season of the Bad Girls Club. Amber had annoyed the other girls all season, but on this night, Amber had been minding her own business, dancing alone in a nightclub. But when the night came to an end, the other drunken cast members all attacked Amber outside the club, and began kicking her as she laid out on the sidewalk. Amber required medical attention and the cops were called in, but the worst part was that some girls had absolutely no remorse.

3. Sgt. Harvey vs. Screech

While on Celebrity Fit Club, Dustin "Screech" Diamond alienated all his castmates by talking incessantly about his porn tape and his male unit. He took it a step further when he personally insulted all of them, but when he threatened ex-Marine/fitness expert/CFC judge, Sgt. Harvey Walden, Screech was lucky to escape with his life. "You must be out your mind!," Walden screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER F-ING THREATEN ME! I will wear your ass out! ... I'm here to help your fat ass. ... Don't you ever in your f-ing cartoon life ever f-ing threaten me, bitch. I will wear your ass out! You take that to your porn convention!"

2. CT jumps to conclusions
Real World alum CT is no stranger to televised skirmishes. But literally moments into the season premiere of Real World Road Rules Duel II, CT lost his marbles because someone told his ex, Diem, that he had (already) hooked up with busty blonde Shauvon. Katie spilled the beans, but CT assumed it was Adam -- who is half his size and was dressed in a full set of pajamas for a costume party -- and beat the stuffing out of him. CT promised: "I will smash his head and eat it!"

1. Vanilla Ice brings the heat
The Surreal Life Fame Games brought back several of VH1 Surreal Life alum to compete for $100,000. Toward the end of the show, Ron Jeremy cast his vote to eliminate his chum, Vanilla Ice and the Iceman had a meltdown, destroying much of the show's set. He hurled vases, broke giant stage lights, crushed a drum set and screamed in Ron Jeremy's face: "You swore on your mother's grave! BACKSTABBER!" The rest of the cast calmly watched in horror, speechless. Later, Ice proclaimed, "I put him on my album, I told everyone how cool he was." That's OK, Vanilla. We doubt anyone heard it.


Got any favorites I missed?

1 comment:

javacia said...

#7 was awesome. My favorite though was when Heather beat the bricks off of Daisy on the Rock of Love reunion show. Classic.