The Best in Holiday TV: We Hope to Catch Some Re-Runs!

If there's one thing that's on my wish list each holiday season, it's that my favorite TV shows can deliver episodes that aren't trite, predictable or nauseatingly sappy. Of course, there are always hits and misses, but some offerings truly stand the test of time.

In other words, I actually remember them -- and I'm hoping Santa drops them into my TV stocking at some point this season.

Here are my picks for the most notable TV episodes:

The Office, "Christmas Party."
Michael sets up a Secret Santa gift exchange for the staff, and nobody is supposed to spend more than $20. To show off, Michael buys a $400 video iPod as his gift to Ryan. After Michael receives a handmade oven mitt that he hates, he turns the exchange into a "Yankee Swap," where staffers can swap their gift with someone else's or choose a new one.
Chaos and hurt feelings ensue and everyone is mad at Michael, who, in turn, fails to see the problem.
"Unbelievable," he says. "I do the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for these people and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame."
Michael then buys 15 gallons of alcohol and everyone gets lit. The episode concludes with a drunken Meredith showing Michael her lady bits.

Everybody Hates Chris, "Everybody Hates Christmas"
This episode is bittersweet because for all its humor, its premise is a sad little tale. When Chris' parents' water heater breaks down before the Christmas shopping is complete, they can't afford to get him his Walkman. His sister and brother receive dolls, games and bikes, while Chris ends up with a freebie calendar from the doctor's office as his present.
In the spirit of Christmas, though, Chris rises above it and appreciates his day – largely because his normally-exasperated mom spoils him rotten out of guilt.

Grey's Anatomy, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer."
As usual, there's plenty of drama at Seattle Grace. Alex has failed his board exam, so everyone helps him study for his re-take -- except Izzie, who feels betrayed because he just cheated on her.
Cristina and Burke argue because he's spiritual and she's, well, not. This comes to a head as they're giving a little boy his second heart transplant.
And, as a really thoughful gift, McDreamy chooses Christmas to tell his wife he's in love with Meredith.
Ho, ho, ho!
But the touching moments sweetly bring it all together. Cristina's hardened shell cracks; she helps breathe new hope into her the juvenile heart patient, and softens to Burke's spirituality. Izzie breaks down to help Alex study "because that's what Jesus would freakin' do!" And Izzie, Meredith and George celebrate their friendship in silence by laying with their heads underneath the Christmas tree, looking at the lights.

WKRP in Cincinnati, "Turkeys Away!"
I know Turkey Day has already passed. But this classic episode from way back, in which the radio station drops live turkeys from a helicopter as a Thanksgiving gift to listeners, cannot be left out. Les Nessman reports from the ground: "The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!" The whole thing is comedy genius.

Friends, "The One With the Armadillo."
Ross gets his son, Ben, for the holidays and wants to teach him about Hanukkah. But Ben is all about Santa, so Ross tries to grant his Christmas wish by renting a St. Nick costume. Of course, the costume shop is cleaned out of anything remotely Christmas-y, so he ends up in a hideous and scary armadillo outfit and introduces himself as "Santa's representative for all the southern states and Mexico."
When Chandler shows up as Santa and Joey arrives as Superman, Ross' persona fizzles even harder. In the end, though, Santa and Superman help grease the wheels for Ben's Hanukkah lesson.

We saved the best for last:

Seinfeld, "The Strike."
In this episode, Frank Costanza introduces the masses to "Festivus," a celebration he says he created as an alternative to overly-commercial Christmas.

The decor: an plain aluminum pole. "No decoration required," says Costanza. "I find tinsel distracting."
Festivus includes traditions such as "The Airing of Grievances" (people tell each other how they disappointed each other over the year), and "Feats of Strength" (in which the head of household engages in wrestling matches with guests). Festivus officially concludes when the head of household is pinned to the floor. Which is probably how many real-life get-togethers end anyway.

What are some of your favorite holiday TV episodes?

Introducing Pig Pen

Sometimes, we call Archie "Pig Pen" because he comes inside looking like the Peanuts character.

8 Things That Take More Time Than Eating Dinner

Every time I feed the dogs, you'd think it was the first meal they have ever received.

Lucy furiously licks her lips as though they are coated with chicken breasts. Archie turns millions of clockwise circles until the food lands in his bowl. And then they both inhale it like they are in a race for The World's Biggest Ribeye Steak.

Here are ten things that last longer than Draper Canine Dinner Time:

1. Typing this sentence.

2. Putting on a pair of earrings.

3. Unlocking a car door.

4. My attention span during a televised baseball game.

5. A 14-year-old boy having sex.

6. Kyle switching back and forth between three football games.

7. Me deciding to buy something with Hello Kitty on it.

8. The amount of time it would take me to quit my job were I ever to win the lottery.

Rainy Saturday

Summary haiku:

Watching "Snapped." Drinking
coffee. Listening to dogs
snore. This is the life.

TV Throwdown: Oprah vs. Ellen

Recently, I've had some vacation time to burn. During my time off, I ran errands, did some work around the house and watched a little bit of daytime TV. And frankly, that made me really happy that I have a day job.

But there is one shining star amongst all the televised crapola, and that gem is The Ellen Degeneres Show. The hour-long show never fails to entertain, and we pretty much think Ellen is the queen of daytime TV.

Then again, there's also some other talk show host, Oprah Winfrey, who's pretty popular, too. Or so we've heard. ;)

So for our amusement, we decided to pit the two daytime hosts against each other... because, hey, what else do we have to do with our vacation time?

MEMORABLE GUEST SPOTS:
I love Ellen's dry sense of humor and am impressed by the comfortable rapport she creates with her guests, whether it's a celebrity or a little kid. Recently, she let Heidi Klum promote her new cosmetics line for Victoria's Secret. But what made it fun is that Ellen and Heidi made over studio audience guests in 45 seconds. Blindfolded. The results were disastrous and hilarious.
That's good stuff, Ellen. But until you score something as ludicrous as Tom Cruise's couch-jumping interview, this round easily belongs to Oprah.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 0.

DANCING:
Ellen dances every day. Oprah doesn't.

Oprah,1; Ellen, 1.

OUTFITS:
Oprah always looks classically put-together, and wears bright colors really well. She's also a master at changing her hairdo.
And whether Ellen is hosting her talk show or the Oscars, she's consistently fun, funky and freshly accessorized. Just ask Kanye West, who complimented her fashion sense during a recent appearance on her show: "You've got really great style," he told her. "Seriously, this is one of the people you should look at whenever you're trying to figure out how to put together an outfit, especially for guys."
Plus, Ellen wears Converse.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 2.

SIGNIFICANT OTHERS:
Portia de Rossi: Hot. Stedman Graham: Not so much.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 3.

INCOME:
Oprah probably has enough money to bail out our country from its current economic crisis. I'm sure Ellen does all right, but we feel safe in saying it's nowhere near Oprah's billions and billions of dollars.

Oprah, 2; Ellen 3.

WORLD DOMINATION:
Up against many other people, Ellen could seriously sweep this category. Her list of achievements includes: Emmy-winning talk show host, best-selling author, revered stand-up comedian, successful TV and film actress. She was only the second woman to host the Oscars on her own (the first was Whoopi Goldberg), and she's the newest face of Cover Girl cosmetics for 2009.
To list all of Oprah's accomplishments would be nearly impossible in this short section, but we'll hit the highlights: She has a long-standing talk show, a store in Chicago, a magazine, and will reportedly get her own cable network in 2009. She started a reality show to reward do-gooders with money, and has given away new cars to her studio audiences. And of course, she's got the Midas touch, transforming anything she touches into pure gold. (How else would we all have been saddled with that douchebag, Dr. Phil?)

That's the short list. And it earns Oprah the win -- plus an extra credit point.

Oprah, 4; Ellen, 3.

So, you win the battle on paper, Oprah. But on TV, we'd totally choose Ellen. No offense, but you conflict with our viewing of The Young & The Restless. And what can I say? I like to laugh more than I like to cry.

Stop Your Honking, Jackass

People in Louisville LOVE to honk their horns in tunnels, and I don't understand it.

Every single day on my way to and from work, I go through a tunnel on I-64, and some asshole honks his horn numerous times while inside.

WHY?

There are no kids in these cars, so it's not their request. These people are probably going to work, and they likely travel this route every day. I just don't understand it. Someday, they're going to need to honk at someone who's about to hit them, and their horn will be defunct. And it will serve them right.

TV Throwdown: Housewives Edition

If you would have told me five years ago that I'd end up tuning into two different TV shows about housewives, I'd have replied "There's a better chance of me baking a blueberry pie from scratch than that happening."

And I would have ended up eating my words -- and perhaps a (store-bought) blueberry pie. Now, here I am DVRing Desperate Housewives, and watching the shenanigans of Bravo's newest installment in its Real Housewives series: The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

And because I think too much about TV, these shows got me thinking: With which of these groups would I rather share a neighborhood?

So, I put them to the test in a personalized battle. The (dish) gloves are off!

NEIGHBORLINESS:
When DH Susan got new neighbors, Bob and Lee, she accidentally gifted them housewarming cookies to which Lee was allergic. To try and make up for it, she kidnapped their dog so that she could pretend to heroically find it -- and got caught. Susan also burned Edie's house down. Edie, meanwhile, has slept with at least three of her fellow housewives' exes. And we're just getting started -- these ladies are not Ned Flanders.

On RH, the ladies do a lot of backbiting, but are generally kind and supportive of each other's causes in public. Kim has been trying to mend the rift between Sheree and NeNe. And when Sheree recently got sick, Kim brought her medicine and other illness supplies -- packaged in a Ferragamo bag. Even though that's totally ostentatious, nothing is better than hand-delivered Nyquil when you're feeling like crap.

Desperate, 0; Real, 1.

STAR POWER:
DH's Bree and Gabrielle have each had some fame. Bree has gained Martha Stewart-like status, and Gabi is an ex-model.

Lisa Wu-Hartwell of RH was previously married to Keith Sweat -- one of the greatest R&B artists of all time. Still, he's not in the picture anymore, and he's not technically a housewife himself.

Desperate, 1; Real, 1

'HOODS:
Granted, the RH crew don't all live in the same neighborhood. But the houses on Wisteria Lane seem like shanties compared to any of the RH cribs. So, if I were neighbors to any of the RH, it's logical to assume I'd be filthy rich. Need I say more?

Desperate, 1; Real, 2.

ARGUMENTS:
For the most part, the RH make catty comments behind each other's backs, or out of the public eye. Well, except for the TV cameras. Based on last week's previews, Kim is fixin' to text message NeNe to call her a bitch.

But on DH, the majority of confrontations take place loudly, in broad daylight, usually in the middle of the street or a driveway. If you lived here, you really wouldn't even need a TV because the entertainment is right outside the door.

Desperate, 2; Real 2.

THE KID FACTOR:
We don't see a whole lot of the kids on RH unless they're being thrown ridiculously extravagent birthday parties, getting $1,000 checks or taking private music lessons. And frankly, we don't want to see any more of them, because they're probably spoiled rotten brats.

On DH, Lynette's got a house full of hellraisers, Gabi's has bully-daughter and Bree's son has blackmailed her. They are like older versions of the aformentioned offspring.

Tie!

Desperate, 2; Real, 2.


FASHION SENSE:
The beauty of having close female friends/neighbors is that there's the option of borrowing cute outfits when you're in a pinch.

The RH are probably more realistically-sized women than the size-0 squad of Wisteria Lane. Still, I'm not sure that any of the RH even wear a bra, or for that matter, own any outfits that don't display 15 pounds of breast flesh. (Did you see Kim's outfit for a children's birthday party?)

The DH would offer far more wardrobe variety. Between Bree's classically tailored look, Edie's sexpot outfits, Susan's casual style and Gabi's closet full of old designer dresses, you'd be pretty much set for any occasion. (But if you want to fit into them, you're going to have to say no to Bree's delicious desserts.)

And the winner is....

Desperate, 3; Real, 2.

Bottom line: They may be rich, but the RH aren't that likeable. And they aren't even fictional characters.