Yo ho ho and a bottle of WTF?

Summary haiku:

Pirates 3: A
long wait for very little
reward. Arrrgh! It's bad.


I admit it: I love, love loved "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl." Johnny Depp was weird and charming and kind of sexy in a sexually ambiguous way. It had a decent story, cool special effects and all kinds of swashbuckling shenanigans. It wasn't going to change the world, but I was thoroughly entertained.

So when the second movie, "Dead Man's Chest" came out, I dragged Kyle there on opening night, which we never do. Because of our opposite schedules, we go to the movies about twice a year. The rest of the time, we rent them on DVD. DMC didn't get the greatest reviews, but I was a big defender. Yes, it was really fucking long, but it had awesome special effects -- Davy Jones and his crew, hello! -- the story line progressed to an interesting place, and Depp was
fantastic again.

This year, "At World's End" was released and we didn't make it to the theater. We meant to, but we got busy or had more important things to do. So knowing what a pirate-lovin' wench I was, Kyle got me the AWE DVD for Christmas.

Never in my life have I been so underwhelmed by something I was looking so forward to seeing. We had no idea what was going on, but kept watching because we thought we'd eventually figure it out. Something about nine pirate lords and finding places that aren't on maps, releasing some crazy, unintelligible lady from her body and an epic battle. But everything was so convoluted and poorly put together, it was like trying to glue together a shattered plate.

All throughout this 2 hour and 48 minute spectacle, Kyle and I kept looking at each other going, "What the hell is happening? Who is that? Why are they doing that?"

I was just begging for crapfest to end, but I'd invested so much time, I wanted to see it through to the end. And the result was like having movie blue balls.

Sigh.