TV: Super Bowl Showdown

All week long, we've been bombarded with expert predictions about the upcoming Super Bowl based on statistics, past game performances, key players and the like. But the truth is, nobody really knows what's going to happen -- it just has to play out.

That's why it can't hurt to foretell the game results using several random categories. But for this edition, we'll tally the categories using football scoring, with our guess for the final game score at the bottom. You heard it here first!

QUARTER ONE: UNIFORMS
The Colts have one thing going for them: You can't say anything bad about blue, for it's the color of most denim (+7). White isn't always flattering, and it gets dirty easily, but the lucky horseshoe symbols on the Colts' helmets help make up for that.
Lucky for the Saints, you can never go wrong wearing black, which is the consummate color of both chic-ness and bad-assery (+7). Throw in a little metallic gold (+3), and a classy fleur-de-lis symbol, and you have yourself a uniform both men and women can appreciate.
COLTS: 7
SAINTS: 10


QUARTER TWO: MASCOTS
Technically, a saint is a religious figure, which doesn't really impose much of a threat on a football field. As far as we know, there is no St. Ray Lewis.
Meantime, New Orleans' sideline mascots include Gumbo the Dog (a Saint Bernard in a football uniform) and Sir Saint, who looks like Snidley Whiplash in eyeliner and a football uni. Meh.
However, a baby horse isn't really that menacing either -- especially Indy's goofy, furry, smiling colt mascot that looks like a character from Sesame Street. While horses are known athletes (+3), they are also gentle, loving creatures that would rather graze in a field than sack a quarterback.
So for intimidation, we'll have to go with the Saints. Gumbo is a tad soft, but Sir Saint looks devious and ready for a battle (scores +6 for the touchdown, but misses the extra point because of the eyeliner).
COLTS: 10
SAINTS: 16

QUARTER THREE: COOLEST CITY
Sure, the Indy 500 is one of the best-known sporting events in the country (+3). But other than that, Indianapolis isn't a Mecca of much else.
New Orleans has the week-long party known as Mardi Gras (+7). On top of that, the city is known for jazz music, Cajun and Creole food, surviving Hurricane Katrina and its famous French Quarter here (+7). So, pretty much no contest on this one.
COLTS: 13
SAINTS: 30

QUARTER FOUR: SUPER SNACKS
Besides the usual fare of beer, pizza and chips, no Super Bowl party is complete without team-themed snacks.
New Orleans presents a plethora of lip-smacking options, including gumbo, beignets, King Cake and Hurricane cocktails (+10, seven for the snacks, three for the super-strong drink).
Indianapolis? After Googling, we discovered its traditional foods include pork tenderloin sandwiches and -- wait for it! -- corn. Sounds more like State Fair snacks than Super Bowl party dishes, but we'll throw a +2 their way because you need some kind of sustenance to soak up the alcohol on Super Bowl Sunday.
New Orleans wins this quarter, hands down.
COLTS: 15
SAINTS: 40


Bottom line: Sorry folks, this one's a blowout. When it comes to the preceding categories, there's no reason to even play the game on Sunday. The Saints are marching into first place!