Thank God for TV news

Summary haiku:
Thank you, TV news.
For without you, I'd never
be so well informed.




All day today, a local TV news station has been airing teasers for one of its big stories for the day: "Do you know where your clothes go once you dump them into the donation box? We investigate!"

So I'm thinking, Oh my God! Are my too-small tops from Express funding terrorists? Are my faded INC jeans being used to strangle puppies? Is someone using my out-of-date Nine West heels to bludgeon grannies as they tend to their shrubbery?

You know what I found out? The company, U'SAgain, which claims on its boxes in bold print to recycle textiles for various uses actually -- drum roll, please -- recycles the textiles for various uses!!!!! Can you fucking believe it?

This enlightening revelation required a two-minute story (an eternity in TV time) and even warranted a live shot conducted from the deserted parking lot in which one of the boxes is located.

The intrepid reporter spoke to a guy from the Salvation Army to find out if these boxes were lessening the amount of donations they were receiving. His answer: No, not at all.

So to recap: The company does exactly what it claims to, and local non-profits aren't losing donations because of it.

Never in a million years did I expect to think, "I'm missing 'The Real World' for this?" while watching the news.

But I stand corrected. And that's what I get for being too lazy to retrieve the remote from the chair across the room.