TV Boyfriends

I admit it: I probably didn’t make the smartest dating choices when I was in my early 20s. I had a thing for bad boys. As long as they were smokin’ hot and didn’t live in their parents’ basement, it didn’t really matter so much if they had high falutin’ goals or a 401K plan. If they had a snowboard and a job, that was just icing on the cake.

Luckily, I have since met and married a fantastic (read: totally put-together) man. But sometimes, when I'm in front of the tube, I slip into my old ways and think, “Huh. There's something about that guy..."

Here are 10 troubled souls that I probably would have dated a decade ago. For a little while, at least.

1. Dexter Morgan, “Dexter.” Here’s the thing. Even if you knew Dexter was homicidal, it would still be a little bit tempting to date him. For one, he’s neurotic about cleanliness and order, so we know he’d make the bed and dump the trash without being asked. Also, he brings coffee and donuts to his girlfriend every morning before work. It's hard to argue with Starbucks delivery.

2. Andy Botwin, “Weeds.” Sure, he’s total layabout and he did some revolting foot porn. But Andy is sexy, he’s laid-back and he likes to cook. All the time. This is especially important to a girl whose culinary specialties include spaghetti, PB&J and scrambled eggs.

3. Hank Moody, “Californication.” As a brilliant writer, Hank Moody would probably be a most excellent Scrabble opponent. And have you seen his record album collection? We love a man who digs vinyl. Those attributes could probably overshadow his serial womanizing, depression, drinking and pot smoking for about a week or so.

4. Jack Abbott, “The Young and the Restless.” Among his many offenses: He secretly changed his father’s will, and after Victor Newman had a seizure, he left him dying on the floor instead of calling 911. Eh, so what? Forgive and forget. We’ve had a crush on Jack since high school, even though his feathered hairdo has barely changed since then. Did I mention he’s highly successful and filthy rich?

5. Don Draper, “Mad Men.” The 1960s me would probably be attracted to this man. Besides being a handsome, sharp-dressed man, he’s creative and has a way with words. (Another good Scrabble opponant!) He's slightly less of a chauvinist than his peers, which would have been very important to me if I were alive during that time. Don seems to be sorting through some of his personal issues, too, which is encouraging.

6. Christian Troy, “Nip/Tuck.” Egomaniac and all-around jackass Dr. Troy has had more random sex than Ron Jeremy and Wilt Chamberlain combined. But I'm a sucker for a confident man with a perfect smile. His vulnerability since moving to L.A. also shows that he is marginally human somewhere underneath all that pomp and circumstance. But the minute he wanted to circle all my problem areas with a Sharpie, it'd be a wrap.

7. Jack Bauer, “24.” Basically a good guy, Jack Bauer has been trained to torture people without remorse. That’s a bit of a problem. Still, I admire him for always putting his loved ones before his job, and for being the hardest worker on this list. I bet he’d never waste away in front of the TV with one hand in his pants and the other on a beer. He has an uncanny knack for predicting the future, too. I smell a winning lottery ticket!

8. Guillermo, “Weeds.” I can overlook the fact that he’s a drug dealer and part-time scumbag with terrible fashion sense, because of his quiet charm, attention to detail and occasional poignant thoughts. If Stacy London wanted to help him out, however, I would not object.

9. James Doakes, “Dexter.” This is a man whose instincts were always on point, even if he was perpetually suspicious and angry, and dropped the f-bomb more than Bernie Mac. (RIP, Doakes.) He would make the perfect father... I'd love to try and see a teenager lie to him and get away with it.

10. Turtle, “Entourage.” I admit it. I have a soft spot for cute stoners. Unlike Andy Botwin, though, Turtle has a job: he drives Vince around and gets him weed. Also, he collects sneakers and loves hip-hop. Swoon. It’s like we were made for each other.