Must See TV Products

I probably love TV as much as, er, more than the next person. But even I was surprised at the funny-bordering-on-bizarre merchandise I discovered when I started poking around online.

Our inspiration for the treasure hunt began with this fleece blanket from "General Hospital," which features a map of Port Charles. "My God," I thought. "This is going to come in so handy! Now I can figure out exactly where Jax landed after he parachuted out of that airplane to try and get to his meeting on time!"

Next, we found a "Desperate Housewives"-inspired apron, which is made of bridal lace and crepe satin and allows the wearer to "serve with grace." (Although for the steep $120 price tag, you kind of wish it would prepare the appetizers and sangrias for you as well.)

Anyway, the point is, this search just kept getting better and better. Here are my top 10 favorite things.

1. "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" women's tool set
Women rejoice! We are finally free to mount a wall shelf or replace a light switch cover, thanks to the ABC tear-jerker and its pink tool kit, which features "all of the necessary tools that any woman would need to help her around the house." Because everybody knows that women have no business using the big, scary tools with black handles from The Home Depot.

2. "Flavor of Love" clock
Flavor Flav has long been a fashion icon, what with his Viking hat, his chic gold fronts and massive collection of wall clocks on a chain. Just when you think you could never achieve his classic, elegant look, your prayers have been answered. Next stop: Vogue!

3. "Prison Break" stationary
Nothing is more intimidating than a note scrawled on Fox River State Penitentiary paper. It's great for subtle threats at work ("Priscilla: Please file the TPS reports immediately or there's just no telling what might happen.") or at home ("John: "The last person who forgot to put the toilet seat down may or may not have lived to tell about it.")

4. "Battlestar Galactica" toaster
Is there anything better than an early morning egg, bacon and cheese sandwich? Glad you asked. How about that delicious breakfast sandwich served on two pieces of Cylon toast?

5. "Dexter" bobblehead
If you work in an office, you might spend parts of your day wishing people would get the heck out of your cubicle. This ought to do it. It's one thing to like the Showtime series, but it's another to have a bloody, knife-wielding, demented-looking Bobblehead as a desk decoration.

6. "The Biggest Loser" socks
After years of battling myself to go to the gym at 6 a.m., I finally found the inspirational tool that will get me out of bed to exercise. This $8 pair of footies with "The Biggest Loser" logo. Jillian's hardcore verbal abuse is sold separately.

7."Grey'sAnatomy" surgeon cap
Serious doctors must be beating a path to buy this capworn by fake doctors on TV. The domepiece features show's logo and promises "the signature quality of the Grey's surgeons." Because having the quality of, say, the Mayo Clinic would be so second-rate.

8. "The Simpsons" bikini
You'll be the envy of Springfield, U.S.A. in this Duff Beer swimsuit which says "Just Can't Get Enough!" on the back side of the bikini bottoms. And the best news? A two-piece suit leaves plenty of room for your impending beer gut. Woo-hoo!

9. "Ugly Betty" poncho
Take Martha Stewart's prison poncho, drag it through a box of Crayolas and a hit TV show, and what have you got? A somewhat expensive gag gift. I mean, we love Betty and all, but the her 'ugly' moniker is not some strange coincidence, like Gary Busey's appearance on Celebrity Rehab.

10. "The Ghost Whisperer" engraved iPod
Seriously? People really love this show enough to want a $329 engraved iPod featuring Melinda Gordon? We must be totally out of touch.