Dead woman walking

Last weekend, Kyle and I went to a huge outdoor concert that lasted almost 12 hours. Back in the day, I'd be all over this kind of thing, drinking beer and inhaling things that may or may not be legal with plenty of energy to spare.

I haven't been to a show like that in about six or seven years. And I think the last one might have been **shudder** the Dave Matthews Band -- a band for people who hate good music.

Anyway, I don't think I can hack that shit ever again, so I'm really glad I just bought a cute Tribe Called Quest shirt as a souvenir. I should probably get it framed in a shadow box with a plaque that says July 19, 2008: The day Maisy bid adieu to her youth.

HERE'S HOW I REALIZED AGE HAD TAKEN ITS TOLL:

1. When given the option of being at the stagefront in "the pit," I didn't even consider it for one second. I looked at Kyle and said, "I want real seats!"

2. I used to see underage girls wearing coochie-cutter shorts, a bikini top and and platform stiletto heels at an outdoor amphitheater and think, "What a dumb fucking skank." Now, I think "That dumb fucking skank is gonna ruin her feet walking around here in those shoes all day."

3. I was at the peak of my enjoyment/energy around 5 p.m. By the time the biggest acts hit the stage, my hip and my hop had been tragically seperated.

4. When performers wanted me to pump my fist in the air or clap my hands, I immediately thought of Steve Harvey's bit from "The Original Kings of Comedy." He said: "You know what I don't like about a rap show? ... There's too many damn instructions. 'Pump it up, pump it up! Everybody side step! Put your hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care! Everybody say hoooo! Pump it up, pump it up! Everybody scream!' Motherfucker, for what? I paid $38.50 to be here. You scream."

5. This is, by far, the most embarrassing one: I couldn't WAIT for an act to end so I could just sit down and rest again.

My body has since recovered, but I can't say the same about my pride.