Today, as I stood in one of my work parking lots with my friend/collegue, Reem, this uplifting situation was going on in another Courier-Journal parking lot across the street. How freakin' depressing.
(And yes, I just linked to my husband's job's website because ours hasn't been updated with any current information since before noon, even though this happened on our property.)
So anyway, the guy died underneath one of my co-worker's SUVs. I bet she had fun driving home tonight.
Also, the hubs and me have been expecting our income tax refund -- the one with our awesome first-time homebuyer's deductions -- for weeks now. When it didn't drop in again today, we called the IRS to check in. They said they hadn't even received our tax return yet. Apparently, some filing glitch happened along the way. I'm having to take furlough days without pay and we're trying to put together a nursery! I want the extra dough now!
Finally, I left work early today because I was having a lot of pain in a scar that I have from a botched surgery from years ago. I also felt a little sad, so when I got home, I ate some bite-sized, frosted brownies from Whole Foods. And by "some," I mean six. The baby needs frosting to grow big and strong!
Now, I have a different, frosting-overload-related stomach pain.
Tomorrow is my much-needed haircut/color/eyebrow arch, however, so I expect to feel like a new person. A new, happy person who only eats two mini-cupcakes at a time instead of six. Also, I should exercise.
Happy Friday!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Five Questions
1. Is it warped to wish herpes or explosive diarrhea upon people who piss you off if you immediately feel guilty about having the thought?
2. When the HGTV people redo a kitchen in a half-hour show, why do I think I can do the same thing with the same results?
3. Do you think that '24' has the smallest wardrobe allowance of any other television show? Those people wear the same clothes in every episode. (A whole season is only a day long, after all.)
4. Who are bigger assholes: People who always wear sunglasses inside and at night? Or folks who feel the need to throw a peace sign (or some other hand signal) in every, single photograph?
5. Am I shallow for believing that my mood will improve 200 percent at 9:30 a.m. Saturday, when I am getting a much-needed haircut and color? I feel raggedy.
2. When the HGTV people redo a kitchen in a half-hour show, why do I think I can do the same thing with the same results?
3. Do you think that '24' has the smallest wardrobe allowance of any other television show? Those people wear the same clothes in every episode. (A whole season is only a day long, after all.)
4. Who are bigger assholes: People who always wear sunglasses inside and at night? Or folks who feel the need to throw a peace sign (or some other hand signal) in every, single photograph?
5. Am I shallow for believing that my mood will improve 200 percent at 9:30 a.m. Saturday, when I am getting a much-needed haircut and color? I feel raggedy.
Monday, March 2, 2009
TV Throwdown: Kim Kardashian vs.Paris Hilton
Oh, to be famous for having no talent whatsoever. It can score you loads of publicity, modeling contracts and even your own reality show. And no two Hollywood lovelies fit the no-skills-besides-being-pretty decription better than former best friends Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.
So with a new season of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" slated for 10 p.m.
Sunday on E!, and Paris' "My New BFF" in the not-so-distant rearview mirror, it seemed like the perfect time for a celebrity catfight...TV Throwdown style.
"ACTING"
Kim has one Razzie award nomination for her supporting role in "Disaster Movie." But since 2006, Paris has won four Razzies: two worst supporting actress, one worst actress and one for worst screen couple. Kim has a lot more on-screen damage to do before she catches up, so she wins this round.
Kim: 1
Paris: 0
HAIRDOS
Call me shallow, but hair -- especially on two young celebs -- is important. While both ladies appear to use extensions from time to time, Paris scores points for actually changing her look, and earns extra credit for each of those looks being flattering. As a celeb, Kim probably has the funds to do whatever she wants with her tresses, but never seems to stray from her long, flowy locks. Kim has hair, but Paris has hair style.
Kim: 1
Paris: 1
FASHION SENSE
Man, I don't know. Kim's curve-hugging ensembles range from semi-classy to overly-boobalicious. She has such a beautiful shape; classic hourglass figures are so rare these days among all the praying mantis-type Hollywood physiques. But sometimes, more (clothing) is ... more.
Bless her scrawny, bird-legged little heart, but has there been a time when Paris wore something that was long enough to graze her knees? Her too-short frocks often reveal her preference for going commando. No panties in the tabloids = major fashion faux pas. Also, she topped Mr. Blackwell's worst-dressed list in 2003. And finally, it's hard for me to trust a person whose thighs don't touch.
Kim: 2
Paris: 1
SEX TAPE SCANDALS
Both ladies noticed a sharp rise in fame after being featured in sex tapes. Since we have no desire to see said videos, we'll judge this category on their romping partners.
Paris' dude, Rick Salomon, was best-known for being married to Shannen Doherty. Kim's accomplice, Ray-J, was famous for being R&B singer Brandy's little brother. Way to go, ladies! You'd think if you were going to tape sex, it'd be with someone awesome like Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington. There are no winners here.
Kim: 2
Paris: 1
REALITY SHOWS
With a bizarre menagerie of family members (which includes her "I Still Think I'm 30" mother, Kris; her over-plastic surgeried step-dad, Bruce Jenner; and constantly-bickering-then-making-up siblings), "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" is rarely packed with filler.
We found "The Simple Life" installations fairly entertaining. However, as hard as we tried, we couldn't make it through a single episode of Paris' "My New BFF." I mean, Paris is supposed to be a celebrity, but she's shopping for a new best friend via a reality show cast? Really? Still, Paris has a slew of reality shows under her belt, so someone must want to watch her.
Kim: 2
Paris: 2
FRIENDS
It's no wonder Paris is searching for a new best friend. She's had public feuds with several of her former besties, including Nicole Ritchie and Kardashian. On an L.A. radio show, Paris said "I would not want (Kim's butt) -- it's gross. It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag." We have no recollection of Kim making any disparaging public remarks about her friends, unless provoked. Her response to Paris' remark: "I don't really care. At least I have a butt." Touche.
But Paris goes through friends like most people herself not included go through underwear (herself not included). Who wants walk on eggshells like that?
Kim: 3
Paris: 2
Bottom line: Paris too often comes off as a self-serving, back-stabbing rich girl that makes few contributions to society. (And no, her horrible go at singing doesn't count, even if it was pure comedy.) It's not like Kim is curing cancer or anything, but at least she knows more words than "that's hot." Overall, Kim seems more humble and likeable as a person. Plus, I like big butts and I can not lie.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Disturbia
Five Disturbing Things That Are On My Mind:
1. Signs in each of our bathroom stalls at work recently popped up, and I don't even want to think about what prompted them. They say something like, "If you have an accident, please clean it up as best you can for the next person."
What the fuck does this mean? That grown women cannot manage to do their business in the toilet? So often that a sign is required? Man, people are nasty.
2. I am a turtle. The more pregnant I get, the harder it is for me to get up from a reclining position without rolling around a bunch to gather enough momentum. If the phone rings and it's across the room, I probably won't get there before voice mail picks up. It sucks.
3. New iPod. I'm freakin' obsessed with it! Sadly, much of the music we had on our computer was lost some years ago when an apartment flood wiped it out. So I've been ripping CDs like a madperson and organizing my tunes like a champ. It's so much better than my old mp3 player! I recently got a voice mail from my best friend, Wendy: "You haven't called me back. Are you all cracked out on that iPod?!" Um, yes.
4. My cat is masturbating right this minute. I mean, get a room, Miles. Geez.
5. The Rocky Mountain News published its last issue today. A very well-done, but sad, video called "Final Edition" is posted here. I will no longer complain about the puny raises we get this year (1 percent or so), which are more than negated by the furlough days we're being forced to take. At least I still get a paycheck.
1. Signs in each of our bathroom stalls at work recently popped up, and I don't even want to think about what prompted them. They say something like, "If you have an accident, please clean it up as best you can for the next person."
What the fuck does this mean? That grown women cannot manage to do their business in the toilet? So often that a sign is required? Man, people are nasty.
2. I am a turtle. The more pregnant I get, the harder it is for me to get up from a reclining position without rolling around a bunch to gather enough momentum. If the phone rings and it's across the room, I probably won't get there before voice mail picks up. It sucks.
3. New iPod. I'm freakin' obsessed with it! Sadly, much of the music we had on our computer was lost some years ago when an apartment flood wiped it out. So I've been ripping CDs like a madperson and organizing my tunes like a champ. It's so much better than my old mp3 player! I recently got a voice mail from my best friend, Wendy: "You haven't called me back. Are you all cracked out on that iPod?!" Um, yes.
4. My cat is masturbating right this minute. I mean, get a room, Miles. Geez.
5. The Rocky Mountain News published its last issue today. A very well-done, but sad, video called "Final Edition" is posted here. I will no longer complain about the puny raises we get this year (1 percent or so), which are more than negated by the furlough days we're being forced to take. At least I still get a paycheck.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Celebrity Apprentice Dream Team
When the cast for The Celebrity Apprentice 2 (premieres 9 p.m. Sunday on NBC) was announced, I felt pretty 'meh' about it. A few notable and current names are on board -- Joan Rivers, for instance -– but in most cases, the program easily be called Long Lost Celebrities Are Out Of Work And Need Exposure. But that's kind of a long title, so I'll forgive NBC for trying to make it more user-friendly.
Anyway, I realize people like Angelina Jolie and Sean Penn have bigger fish to fry than to appear on this show. But isn't there a happy medium somewhere? That's why we've come up with 10 stars we'd like to see on The Celebrity Apprentice.
Rosie O'Donnell
Yeah, yeah, I know about her history with host Donald Trump. But being a successful business person depends on one's ability to broker deals with people, even if you hate their guts. Rosie's an accomplished actress and talk show host, but she's also showed some entrepreneurial fortitude in writing, starring in and co-producing the Lifetime movie America (which premieres at 9 p.m. Saturday on the network). Also, her participation on this show, years after her huge public blowout with The Donald, would make it infinitely interesting.
Kanye West
While immensely talented, this man is known for throwing a fit when he doesn't win every music award for which he's nominated. His tantrums would make for some good television, but the process also might teach him some much-needed humility as well.
Paula Abdul
With the addition of Kara DioGuardi to American Idol, there has been speculation that crazy Paula might be out of a job soon. If she won, perhaps they could give her a real job, instead of donating money to her charity? Just sayin'.
Tina Fey
She's smart enough to win and creative enough to give an interesting twist to challenges. Plus, a sharp mind and quick wit certainly go a long way when dealing with people. Also, with 30 Rock she's already in bed with NBC. Certainly they could lend her to another show for a bit.
Spencer Pratt
We hate to acknowledge that this prickly layabout is even a celebrity, but he's higher on the fame food chain than current Apprentice contestants like poker player Annie Duke or Playboy Playmate Brande Roderick. We nominate him because he's able to sell his b.s. to his fiancée, Heidi Montag, all day and night. But does he have enough motivation, pull and persuasion skills to come out on top? Either way, we'd love to actually see this guy work for once.
Michael Phelps
You know, we're really tired of hearing about the horror of this incredible Olympic athlete taking a couple of bong hits. (Sheesh -- he just won 8 Olympic gold medals! Give the guy a break.) So, we'd love to see him redeem his public reputation on this show, so that his recent scandal can quietly be swept under the rug.
Kiefer Sutherland
Kiefer has said in interviews that filming 24 is ridiculously stressful. But on the show, he's charged with solving problems in record time and coming up with alternatives when Plan A goes awry. Let's see how much the actor has learned from his character.
Tim Gunn
Honestly, this choice is for my own personal satisfaction. If Project Runway remains in limbo forever, how will I get my Tim Gunn fix? Surely, he knows how these reality contests operate. He could make it work.
Whoopi Goldberg
Before she was famous, Whoopi worked as bricklayer and at a funeral parlor, so she's had "real jobs" before. Besides adding a level head and comic relief to the contest, Whoopi is confident an Improv genius, making her adaptable to any speed bump that comes her way. Her laid-back personality practically ensures she won't come unglued and make an ass of herself. That's nice to see in celebrities sometimes.
Bridget Marquardt
No celeb reality show is complete without a woman who's graced the pages of Playboy. But of The Girls Next Door, Bridget is the one who also boasts a brain behind her giggly exterior. She's got a bachelor's degree in public relations, a masters on communications and is working on another master's degree in broadcast journalism. Plus, she loves horror movies, so seeing Trump's hair in person shouldn't phase her one bit.
Anyway, I realize people like Angelina Jolie and Sean Penn have bigger fish to fry than to appear on this show. But isn't there a happy medium somewhere? That's why we've come up with 10 stars we'd like to see on The Celebrity Apprentice.
Rosie O'Donnell
Yeah, yeah, I know about her history with host Donald Trump. But being a successful business person depends on one's ability to broker deals with people, even if you hate their guts. Rosie's an accomplished actress and talk show host, but she's also showed some entrepreneurial fortitude in writing, starring in and co-producing the Lifetime movie America (which premieres at 9 p.m. Saturday on the network). Also, her participation on this show, years after her huge public blowout with The Donald, would make it infinitely interesting.
Kanye West
While immensely talented, this man is known for throwing a fit when he doesn't win every music award for which he's nominated. His tantrums would make for some good television, but the process also might teach him some much-needed humility as well.
Paula Abdul
With the addition of Kara DioGuardi to American Idol, there has been speculation that crazy Paula might be out of a job soon. If she won, perhaps they could give her a real job, instead of donating money to her charity? Just sayin'.
Tina Fey
She's smart enough to win and creative enough to give an interesting twist to challenges. Plus, a sharp mind and quick wit certainly go a long way when dealing with people. Also, with 30 Rock she's already in bed with NBC. Certainly they could lend her to another show for a bit.
Spencer Pratt
We hate to acknowledge that this prickly layabout is even a celebrity, but he's higher on the fame food chain than current Apprentice contestants like poker player Annie Duke or Playboy Playmate Brande Roderick. We nominate him because he's able to sell his b.s. to his fiancée, Heidi Montag, all day and night. But does he have enough motivation, pull and persuasion skills to come out on top? Either way, we'd love to actually see this guy work for once.
Michael Phelps
You know, we're really tired of hearing about the horror of this incredible Olympic athlete taking a couple of bong hits. (Sheesh -- he just won 8 Olympic gold medals! Give the guy a break.) So, we'd love to see him redeem his public reputation on this show, so that his recent scandal can quietly be swept under the rug.
Kiefer Sutherland
Kiefer has said in interviews that filming 24 is ridiculously stressful. But on the show, he's charged with solving problems in record time and coming up with alternatives when Plan A goes awry. Let's see how much the actor has learned from his character.
Tim Gunn
Honestly, this choice is for my own personal satisfaction. If Project Runway remains in limbo forever, how will I get my Tim Gunn fix? Surely, he knows how these reality contests operate. He could make it work.
Whoopi Goldberg
Before she was famous, Whoopi worked as bricklayer and at a funeral parlor, so she's had "real jobs" before. Besides adding a level head and comic relief to the contest, Whoopi is confident an Improv genius, making her adaptable to any speed bump that comes her way. Her laid-back personality practically ensures she won't come unglued and make an ass of herself. That's nice to see in celebrities sometimes.
Bridget Marquardt
No celeb reality show is complete without a woman who's graced the pages of Playboy. But of The Girls Next Door, Bridget is the one who also boasts a brain behind her giggly exterior. She's got a bachelor's degree in public relations, a masters on communications and is working on another master's degree in broadcast journalism. Plus, she loves horror movies, so seeing Trump's hair in person shouldn't phase her one bit.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
TV Throwdown: The Bachelor Vs. Rock Of Love Bus
Oh, how we love a "showmance." They happen on reality TV all the time, but are always that much more entertaining when people set out to find love in an abbreviated time period in front of millions. Which brings us to two programs we've been watching lately: The Bachelor and Rock of Love Bus.
So, why not pit them against each other in The Most Dramatic TV Throwdown Ever?!
Bachelors:
Jason's hair isn't great, but at least it's real. Bret has a more engaging personality and a sense of humor. A date with Jason is a snooze, but at least he's ready to settle down with one woman and not have groupie sex on the side. Bret thinks a genital piercing is a really great gift, which is only a little bit more gross than the ill-fated breakdancing moves Jason showed off during an early episode.
So, the question is this: Would you rather be with someone ho-hum who won't cheat? Or somebody who likes to laugh, but may bring home the clap?
One vote for boring! I'd rather upgrade my Netflix subscription than have a lifetime supply of penicillin.
The Bachelor: 1
Rock of Love Bus: 0
The Suitors:
I'm embarrassed for the women on The Bachelor when they start blubbering and shedding actual tears about being in love after having spent approximately 20 minutes with Jason. The "ladies" on ROLB do the same thing, but also engage in myriad personal humiliations that include, but are not limited to: Regularly getting drunk enough to throw up; wearing skanky Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie as outerwear; and making profound statements like "I'm not hanging out with anyone who wears brown lip gloss!"
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 0
Show format:
There is absolutely no reason the Bachelor needs to be two hours long every week. They spend at least half an hour playing flashbacks that happened 10 minutes prior, and then they show interviews where the people recap what you have just viewed. It's a colossal waste of time. Note to producers: Jason might not seem so boring if we saw him in shorter snippets.
ROLB moves along swiftly. Bret subjects his suitors to humiliating challenges to win dates; he goes on said dates; a breast or two is usually exposed at some point; a slutty catfight breaks out, and then it's on to the elimination. All in one hour. Aaaand, we have a winner.
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 1
Cliches:
Each week, The Bachelor promises "The Most Shocking/Dramatic/Intense Rose Ceremony Ever!!" And if I had a quarter for every time someone used the words "amazing" or "journey" or "amazing journey," I could totally quit my day job right now. Get a thesaurus, people.
On the other hand, Rock of Love Bus is packed with other lame cliches, including Bret's standard "keeper" line at the elimination ceremony: "Will you stay on tour and continue to rock my world?" Also, I think I've heard the song "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" more times on the Rock of Love installations than I ever did in the 1980s.
But The Bachelor has had nearly 20 seasons where presumably educated people overuse "amazing" and "journey." Overkill.
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 2
Dates:
Bret has taken his dates on riverboat rides, hay rides and picnics. A dream date consists of going to work with him (watching one of his shows at a random bar), then hanging out with a bunch of douches backstage. It's not that glamorous, but at least those are things that a normal couple might do, minus "take your girlfriend to work day."
Jason has taken his dates to private concerts, on spontaneous trips to Las Vegas and on shopping sprees. But for a guy who's supposed to be single father, do you really think these dates are par for the course? Hellz to the no. When the Bachelor isn't footing the bill, these ladies are going to be having dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory, picking up after Ty and calling their moms so they have someone interesting to talk to.
So, the ladies on Rock of Love Bus are probably getting a slightly more realistic view of their futures.
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 3
Bottom line: Nobody really expects these shows to produce real relationships, which means we're only watching to be entertained. Rock of Love Bus may make you cringe, but at least there's never a dull moment.
So, why not pit them against each other in The Most Dramatic TV Throwdown Ever?!
Bachelors:
Jason's hair isn't great, but at least it's real. Bret has a more engaging personality and a sense of humor. A date with Jason is a snooze, but at least he's ready to settle down with one woman and not have groupie sex on the side. Bret thinks a genital piercing is a really great gift, which is only a little bit more gross than the ill-fated breakdancing moves Jason showed off during an early episode.
So, the question is this: Would you rather be with someone ho-hum who won't cheat? Or somebody who likes to laugh, but may bring home the clap?
One vote for boring! I'd rather upgrade my Netflix subscription than have a lifetime supply of penicillin.
The Bachelor: 1
Rock of Love Bus: 0
The Suitors:
I'm embarrassed for the women on The Bachelor when they start blubbering and shedding actual tears about being in love after having spent approximately 20 minutes with Jason. The "ladies" on ROLB do the same thing, but also engage in myriad personal humiliations that include, but are not limited to: Regularly getting drunk enough to throw up; wearing skanky Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie as outerwear; and making profound statements like "I'm not hanging out with anyone who wears brown lip gloss!"
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 0
Show format:
There is absolutely no reason the Bachelor needs to be two hours long every week. They spend at least half an hour playing flashbacks that happened 10 minutes prior, and then they show interviews where the people recap what you have just viewed. It's a colossal waste of time. Note to producers: Jason might not seem so boring if we saw him in shorter snippets.
ROLB moves along swiftly. Bret subjects his suitors to humiliating challenges to win dates; he goes on said dates; a breast or two is usually exposed at some point; a slutty catfight breaks out, and then it's on to the elimination. All in one hour. Aaaand, we have a winner.
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 1
Cliches:
Each week, The Bachelor promises "The Most Shocking/Dramatic/Intense Rose Ceremony Ever!!" And if I had a quarter for every time someone used the words "amazing" or "journey" or "amazing journey," I could totally quit my day job right now. Get a thesaurus, people.
On the other hand, Rock of Love Bus is packed with other lame cliches, including Bret's standard "keeper" line at the elimination ceremony: "Will you stay on tour and continue to rock my world?" Also, I think I've heard the song "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" more times on the Rock of Love installations than I ever did in the 1980s.
But The Bachelor has had nearly 20 seasons where presumably educated people overuse "amazing" and "journey." Overkill.
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 2
Dates:
Bret has taken his dates on riverboat rides, hay rides and picnics. A dream date consists of going to work with him (watching one of his shows at a random bar), then hanging out with a bunch of douches backstage. It's not that glamorous, but at least those are things that a normal couple might do, minus "take your girlfriend to work day."
Jason has taken his dates to private concerts, on spontaneous trips to Las Vegas and on shopping sprees. But for a guy who's supposed to be single father, do you really think these dates are par for the course? Hellz to the no. When the Bachelor isn't footing the bill, these ladies are going to be having dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory, picking up after Ty and calling their moms so they have someone interesting to talk to.
So, the ladies on Rock of Love Bus are probably getting a slightly more realistic view of their futures.
The Bachelor: 2
Rock of Love Bus: 3
Bottom line: Nobody really expects these shows to produce real relationships, which means we're only watching to be entertained. Rock of Love Bus may make you cringe, but at least there's never a dull moment.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Survivor Vs. The Amazing Race
TV Throwdown: Survivor Vs. The Amazing Race
This week marks the return of two successful reality shows that make me really happy to be a couch potato. I like adventure and all, but usually in much smaller doses than are offered by Survivor (the Tocantins installation premieres Thursday at 8 p.m. on CBS) or The Amazing Race (premieres Sunday at 8 p.m., also on CBS).
Each has more than ten seasons under its belt, and I thought it was high time the programs themselves were subjected to some sort of competition: A TV Throwdown.
AMENITIES
On Survivor, contestants may win a fabulous meal, but it will then give them explosive diarrhea after having noshed on rice and minnows for days on end. They have to build their own shelter, go find water -- and hey, are they even allowed to bring a "luxury item" anymore?
Competitors on The Amazing Race get to stay in hotels and get cleaned up in between their grueling challenges, in addition to winning prizes. Sure, they are always on the go, but changing your underwear and shaving your armpits are not things to take for granted.
Survivor: 0
Amazing Race: 1
ADVENTURES
Granted, AR folks don't get to explore their new territories with leisure. Since they're being timed, they get the extreme Cliff's Notes version of each country's culture. Still, that's much more invigorating and educational that spending all your days getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, plotting against people, and fantasizing about shampoo, toothbrushes and Chik-Fil-A sandwiches.
Survivor: 0
Amazing Race: 2
DRAMA
Two different kinds of drama unfold on these shows. On AR, the teams are on a strict schedule and teammates inevitably have skirmishes about how to most efficiently proceed with the task at hand. But even when they fight, at the end of the day, they always have someone who is on their side. (However, an already fragile relationship could be forever marred in a high-pressure situation like this.)
Survivor contestants have nothing but time on their hands which often leads to paranoid delusions, and also allows for teammates to grate on each other's last nerve. Tribe members constantly turn on each other. And half the time, when someone is voted off, the ousted member is completely taken by surprise.
Survivor: 1
Amazing Race: 2
HISTORY
Now entering its 18th season, Survivor certainly wasn't the first reality show, but it was pretty much the first of its kind: A program that put contestants in seemingly impossible situations, pitting them against each other for a cash prize. When Survivor first started in 2000, the premise was so unusual, it was the water cooler topic at many jobs.
The Amazing Race, which premiered in 2001, offered another fresh reality concept and exciting, edge-of-your-seat premise. And while it seems to have surpassed Survivor in popularity and critical acclaim (AR has 11 Primetime Emmys to Survivor's three), we have to give the edge to the show that spawned so many imitators.
Survivor: 2
Amazing Race: 2
BENEFITS
If you're a Survivor contestant, chances are you're doing to drop at least 20 pounds and get a rockin' tan. Sure, you might be malnourished, but hey, who can complain about looking great in a (smaller) sun dress at the finale?
On The Amazing Race, you can rack up the passport stamps and become a lot more worldly. Plus, any future travel to foreign countries will probably seem like a breeze in comparison. You're also likely to get into better shape because of all the running around and stiff physical challenges.
Survivor: 2
Amazing Race: 3
Bottom line: The tribe has spoken. We have much respect for our elders, but sometimes the pioneers pave the way for bigger and better things down the line. The Amazing Race is truly amazing.
This week marks the return of two successful reality shows that make me really happy to be a couch potato. I like adventure and all, but usually in much smaller doses than are offered by Survivor (the Tocantins installation premieres Thursday at 8 p.m. on CBS) or The Amazing Race (premieres Sunday at 8 p.m., also on CBS).
Each has more than ten seasons under its belt, and I thought it was high time the programs themselves were subjected to some sort of competition: A TV Throwdown.
AMENITIES
On Survivor, contestants may win a fabulous meal, but it will then give them explosive diarrhea after having noshed on rice and minnows for days on end. They have to build their own shelter, go find water -- and hey, are they even allowed to bring a "luxury item" anymore?
Competitors on The Amazing Race get to stay in hotels and get cleaned up in between their grueling challenges, in addition to winning prizes. Sure, they are always on the go, but changing your underwear and shaving your armpits are not things to take for granted.
Survivor: 0
Amazing Race: 1
ADVENTURES
Granted, AR folks don't get to explore their new territories with leisure. Since they're being timed, they get the extreme Cliff's Notes version of each country's culture. Still, that's much more invigorating and educational that spending all your days getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, plotting against people, and fantasizing about shampoo, toothbrushes and Chik-Fil-A sandwiches.
Survivor: 0
Amazing Race: 2
DRAMA
Two different kinds of drama unfold on these shows. On AR, the teams are on a strict schedule and teammates inevitably have skirmishes about how to most efficiently proceed with the task at hand. But even when they fight, at the end of the day, they always have someone who is on their side. (However, an already fragile relationship could be forever marred in a high-pressure situation like this.)
Survivor contestants have nothing but time on their hands which often leads to paranoid delusions, and also allows for teammates to grate on each other's last nerve. Tribe members constantly turn on each other. And half the time, when someone is voted off, the ousted member is completely taken by surprise.
Survivor: 1
Amazing Race: 2
HISTORY
Now entering its 18th season, Survivor certainly wasn't the first reality show, but it was pretty much the first of its kind: A program that put contestants in seemingly impossible situations, pitting them against each other for a cash prize. When Survivor first started in 2000, the premise was so unusual, it was the water cooler topic at many jobs.
The Amazing Race, which premiered in 2001, offered another fresh reality concept and exciting, edge-of-your-seat premise. And while it seems to have surpassed Survivor in popularity and critical acclaim (AR has 11 Primetime Emmys to Survivor's three), we have to give the edge to the show that spawned so many imitators.
Survivor: 2
Amazing Race: 2
BENEFITS
If you're a Survivor contestant, chances are you're doing to drop at least 20 pounds and get a rockin' tan. Sure, you might be malnourished, but hey, who can complain about looking great in a (smaller) sun dress at the finale?
On The Amazing Race, you can rack up the passport stamps and become a lot more worldly. Plus, any future travel to foreign countries will probably seem like a breeze in comparison. You're also likely to get into better shape because of all the running around and stiff physical challenges.
Survivor: 2
Amazing Race: 3
Bottom line: The tribe has spoken. We have much respect for our elders, but sometimes the pioneers pave the way for bigger and better things down the line. The Amazing Race is truly amazing.
Love Is In The Air: The Best and Worst TV Couples
Valentine's Day is upon us, and it's a holiday about which I feel conflicted. On one hand, it's grossly over-commercialized and filled with pressure. But on the other, it is nice to celebrate your significant other – and I have no complaints about flowers and candy, even if they are a little cliche.
So to celebrate my wishy-washiness about Cupid's big day, I'm highlighting five TV relationships (from still-airing programs) that seem destined for success, and five that give love a bad name.
I love:
Tara and Max, United States of Tara
As this series is new, we're still seeing their relationship unfold, but the back story is that Max and Tara have been married for almost 20 years. And while they have their speed bumps (see: her multiple personalities, Buck, T and Alice), their bond has clearly been strong enough to perservere. They have the same struggles as any other long time couple, but seem committed to making it work.
Dwight and Angela, The Office.
Jim and Pam are sweet, but boring. The best thing about Dwight and Angela is that they're both anal nerds at heart, but also have no problem shagging on company time every now and then. Plus, their whole dynamic together is so awkward that it seems like a perfect fit. I want them to officially get back together.
Sookie and Bill, True Blood.
From the first time they met, you could sense the connection between telepathic Sookie and vampire Bill. Yes, he's robbing the cradle, he bites Sookie during sex and isn't readily available for brunch dates. But he also regularly saves her life and appears to be pretty good in the sack. This is the ultimate bad-boy, good girl coupling.
Bill, Barb, Nikki and Margene, Big Love
Obviously, polygamy isn't for everyone. But this foursome have better, more functional relationships than many duos we know in real life. They work together and are unconditionally supportive of each other. Plus, there's always someone around to watch the kids, clean the house, make dinner and have sex with Bill. Sometimes one lady doesn't feel up to doing all of those things in one night.
Tom and Lynette, Desperate Housewives
It would have been easy for Tom and Lynette to call it quits, what with their ever-changing careers, hell-on-wheels children, the neighborhood drama and the stress of Lynette's cancer. But in the mess that is Wisteria Lane, the Scavos always find a way to make it work and be the most stable, loving couple on the block.
I loathe:
Izzie and Denny's ghost, Grey's Anatomy
Izzie's affair with her dead lover may or may not be a figment of her imagination, but it's still among the worst storylines ever. I don't even watch this show anymore, but have still heard about this plot a million times and nobody seems to like it. Ghost sex is not romantic, it's creepy.
Kath and Phil,Kath and Kim
Sure, we chuckle when they do their speed walking exercise routine together, but these two social misfits and their gross PDA are just too nauseating to watch. There's someone for everyone, but these two should be hidden away.
Christian and Liz, Nip/Tuck
Surely, this story line can't have much traction, but I hate even watching it play out. I wouldn't wish Christian upon anyone, especially not a lesbian taking her first foray into hetero relations in years. Liz is way too good for this egomaniacal womanizer, and no matter how strong she is, her heart and pride are bound to end up in tatters.
Larry and Cheryl, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Speaking of too good, what can Cheryl possibly see in Larry? He's a selfish, bumbling, insensitive man – and, let's face it, he's not winning any beauty contests, either. Their separation last season added some realistic depth to the show. I love both characters, but I'm glad they're not together.
Silas and neighbor lady, Weeds
Show of hands: Who else is grossed out by 17-year-old Silas mounting the older, MILF, sandwich lady in a room full of weed and cold cuts? Not only is it unsanitary, it's kinda depraved. Silas has obvious mommy issues because his own madre is so emotionally unavailable.
So to celebrate my wishy-washiness about Cupid's big day, I'm highlighting five TV relationships (from still-airing programs) that seem destined for success, and five that give love a bad name.
I love:
Tara and Max, United States of Tara
As this series is new, we're still seeing their relationship unfold, but the back story is that Max and Tara have been married for almost 20 years. And while they have their speed bumps (see: her multiple personalities, Buck, T and Alice), their bond has clearly been strong enough to perservere. They have the same struggles as any other long time couple, but seem committed to making it work.
Dwight and Angela, The Office.
Jim and Pam are sweet, but boring. The best thing about Dwight and Angela is that they're both anal nerds at heart, but also have no problem shagging on company time every now and then. Plus, their whole dynamic together is so awkward that it seems like a perfect fit. I want them to officially get back together.
Sookie and Bill, True Blood.
From the first time they met, you could sense the connection between telepathic Sookie and vampire Bill. Yes, he's robbing the cradle, he bites Sookie during sex and isn't readily available for brunch dates. But he also regularly saves her life and appears to be pretty good in the sack. This is the ultimate bad-boy, good girl coupling.
Bill, Barb, Nikki and Margene, Big Love
Obviously, polygamy isn't for everyone. But this foursome have better, more functional relationships than many duos we know in real life. They work together and are unconditionally supportive of each other. Plus, there's always someone around to watch the kids, clean the house, make dinner and have sex with Bill. Sometimes one lady doesn't feel up to doing all of those things in one night.
Tom and Lynette, Desperate Housewives
It would have been easy for Tom and Lynette to call it quits, what with their ever-changing careers, hell-on-wheels children, the neighborhood drama and the stress of Lynette's cancer. But in the mess that is Wisteria Lane, the Scavos always find a way to make it work and be the most stable, loving couple on the block.
I loathe:
Izzie and Denny's ghost, Grey's Anatomy
Izzie's affair with her dead lover may or may not be a figment of her imagination, but it's still among the worst storylines ever. I don't even watch this show anymore, but have still heard about this plot a million times and nobody seems to like it. Ghost sex is not romantic, it's creepy.
Kath and Phil,Kath and Kim
Sure, we chuckle when they do their speed walking exercise routine together, but these two social misfits and their gross PDA are just too nauseating to watch. There's someone for everyone, but these two should be hidden away.
Christian and Liz, Nip/Tuck
Surely, this story line can't have much traction, but I hate even watching it play out. I wouldn't wish Christian upon anyone, especially not a lesbian taking her first foray into hetero relations in years. Liz is way too good for this egomaniacal womanizer, and no matter how strong she is, her heart and pride are bound to end up in tatters.
Larry and Cheryl, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Speaking of too good, what can Cheryl possibly see in Larry? He's a selfish, bumbling, insensitive man – and, let's face it, he's not winning any beauty contests, either. Their separation last season added some realistic depth to the show. I love both characters, but I'm glad they're not together.
Silas and neighbor lady, Weeds
Show of hands: Who else is grossed out by 17-year-old Silas mounting the older, MILF, sandwich lady in a room full of weed and cold cuts? Not only is it unsanitary, it's kinda depraved. Silas has obvious mommy issues because his own madre is so emotionally unavailable.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Rock of Love Bus is a Ride to Hell
I'll be honest: I am no stranger to terrible, trashy reality TV shows. I watched Flavor of Love and Rock of Love, both seasons of Bad Girls Club; Stylista, and both seasons of Charm School, which resurrected skanks from FOL and ROL and attempted to teach them manners and pride.
And that's just for starters.
I do love quality TV programs, too, but truth be told, I have no pride about what I watch. Because of that, I was shocked – no, make that floored – that a reality show was still able to unnerve me.
But thanks to Bret Michaels and his Rock of Love Bus (9 p.m. Sundays, VH1), I've considered squeezing gallons of hand sanitizer into my eyes and ears every week.
First of all, was it really necessary to film a third installation of Bret Michaels' search for love? I'm sure there are tons of nasty groupies at his concerts, so finding a skank to take home to mother surely can't be that difficult. It's not like he's looking for love with a doctor, or a lawyer, or some other upstanding professional that just doesn't have time to date around.
Anyway, here are some things that have happened in the first four installations of the show:
1. In the opening episode, one contestant inserted a shot of liquor, served in a test tube, someplace that it didn't belong. It's a good thing alcohol kills bacteria because another woman drank the shot from its, um, holder.
2. Another woman performed for Bret a self-written rap song, which she penned on the back of genital disease information sheets about herpes and gonorrhea.
3. When Bret planned mock weddings in episode two, he asked the "ladies" to write vows and bring him a gift. One woman vowed: "I promise to cook you the best, rockin' food, and to never, ever wear panties." Another woman's gift: A piece of jewelry that she had removed from a body piercing; she invited him to replace it at a later date.
4. At one point, a contestant got so drunk that she threw up – just moments before making out with Bret. His reaction: He said her kisses tasted like tequila, Doritos and "some other familiar taste.... It was the best Dorito I've ever tasted."
5. During a recent episode, Bret told the ladies to "dress to impress." On most shows, this would mean pulling out your finest nice evening gown, a little black dress, or perhaps a sun dress. On ROL Bus, it means "put on your sluttiest lingerie and then stop getting dressed." They all showed up in public wearing pleather maid's uniforms, child-sized underwear and the like.
6. The irony of the above situation, is that they were showing up to a challenge in which they'd have to act as roadies, breaking down all the band's equipment in a timed contest. When one lady took a really brutal fall backwards off the stage, she immediately gets back up and kept working even though she was in obvious pain. Her teammates are totally supportive and sympathetic: "Bret's a rock star, and if you want to date a rock star, you better get used to falling off the stage, bitch!"
And seriously, people, these are just a few highlights. All the stuff in between is just as hairball. Can you believe this is running on a regular cable station? I've seen less offensive stuff on pay-per-view.
Let's discuss.
And that's just for starters.
I do love quality TV programs, too, but truth be told, I have no pride about what I watch. Because of that, I was shocked – no, make that floored – that a reality show was still able to unnerve me.
But thanks to Bret Michaels and his Rock of Love Bus (9 p.m. Sundays, VH1), I've considered squeezing gallons of hand sanitizer into my eyes and ears every week.
First of all, was it really necessary to film a third installation of Bret Michaels' search for love? I'm sure there are tons of nasty groupies at his concerts, so finding a skank to take home to mother surely can't be that difficult. It's not like he's looking for love with a doctor, or a lawyer, or some other upstanding professional that just doesn't have time to date around.
Anyway, here are some things that have happened in the first four installations of the show:
1. In the opening episode, one contestant inserted a shot of liquor, served in a test tube, someplace that it didn't belong. It's a good thing alcohol kills bacteria because another woman drank the shot from its, um, holder.
2. Another woman performed for Bret a self-written rap song, which she penned on the back of genital disease information sheets about herpes and gonorrhea.
3. When Bret planned mock weddings in episode two, he asked the "ladies" to write vows and bring him a gift. One woman vowed: "I promise to cook you the best, rockin' food, and to never, ever wear panties." Another woman's gift: A piece of jewelry that she had removed from a body piercing; she invited him to replace it at a later date.
4. At one point, a contestant got so drunk that she threw up – just moments before making out with Bret. His reaction: He said her kisses tasted like tequila, Doritos and "some other familiar taste.... It was the best Dorito I've ever tasted."
5. During a recent episode, Bret told the ladies to "dress to impress." On most shows, this would mean pulling out your finest nice evening gown, a little black dress, or perhaps a sun dress. On ROL Bus, it means "put on your sluttiest lingerie and then stop getting dressed." They all showed up in public wearing pleather maid's uniforms, child-sized underwear and the like.
6. The irony of the above situation, is that they were showing up to a challenge in which they'd have to act as roadies, breaking down all the band's equipment in a timed contest. When one lady took a really brutal fall backwards off the stage, she immediately gets back up and kept working even though she was in obvious pain. Her teammates are totally supportive and sympathetic: "Bret's a rock star, and if you want to date a rock star, you better get used to falling off the stage, bitch!"
And seriously, people, these are just a few highlights. All the stuff in between is just as hairball. Can you believe this is running on a regular cable station? I've seen less offensive stuff on pay-per-view.
Let's discuss.
Friday, January 30, 2009
I'm Sick Of Watching Divorce Court
I am ill.
There are 130 tissues in a box of Kleenex with lotion. I have used two full boxes since Tuesday and my hubs just went to get me more. I have watched about 30 episodes of Divorce Court, several terrible Lifetime movies and tried to read a Dr. Seuss book to the baby in my stomach but it gave me a headache after four pages.
I am totally lucky to have power and heat, as much of the city doesn't after a huge snow/ice storm. But I'm still feeling sorry for myself today. I'd much rather be at work or traipsing around in snow and ice than feeling like a bag of shit for the fifth day in a row.
Woe is me. Please, antibiotics, start working soon.
There are 130 tissues in a box of Kleenex with lotion. I have used two full boxes since Tuesday and my hubs just went to get me more. I have watched about 30 episodes of Divorce Court, several terrible Lifetime movies and tried to read a Dr. Seuss book to the baby in my stomach but it gave me a headache after four pages.
I am totally lucky to have power and heat, as much of the city doesn't after a huge snow/ice storm. But I'm still feeling sorry for myself today. I'd much rather be at work or traipsing around in snow and ice than feeling like a bag of shit for the fifth day in a row.
Woe is me. Please, antibiotics, start working soon.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The Hills Vs. The City
It was only a matter of time before we ended up comparing The City to The Hills.
After all, Whitney Port spent several years as Lauren Conrad's co-worker and friend before she branched out to New York and scored her own TV show. As a fan of Whitney (come on, she was easily the most put together cast member of The Hills), I was looking forward to her being the star of her own show. Plus, she had a job in fashion in New York. What's not to love?
As it turns out, a lot. It's just as annoying as The Hills can be, but for different reasons. Let's compare:
Love to hate characters: OK, so The Hills has Spencer Pratt, one of the biggest "reality" TV villains ever. During the first episode of The City, it seemed like Olivia was going to be an irritating, elitist witch, what with her million pairs of Manolos and fancy dinner parties. But so far, she's turned out to be sort of benign, if not boring.
She simply cannot compare to Spencer, who treats Heidi like crap, makes her mother cry and has that ridiculous, rodent-pelt growing from his face. And, we have a winner!
The Hills: 1
The City: 0
Conversation skills: On The City, all the characters manage to speak in complete sentences. Granted, their conversations might be a snoozefest, but at least they don't all break off mid-sentence.
Lauren and company are boring as well, but they also communicate as though they took a giant, mind-erasing bong hit in the middle of a thought, ie: "I can't decide if I should talk to Audrina, or ..."
So.... we'd rather talk to Whitney or Erin, thanks.
The Hills: 1
The City: 1
Crying: Between Lauren, Audrina and Stephanie, mascara tears are probably shed on nearly every episode of The Hills. Lauren gets upset when Audrina is too busy to ask her leading questions about her life. Audrina weeps over Justin Bobby. And Stephanie is generally unstable, although being related to Spencer is reason enough to cry on a regular basis.
But so far, we haven't seen Whit or her pals shed any tears. Maybe they're too busy working and/or maintaining a small shred of personal dignity. Chalk one up for The City.
Hills: 1
The City: 2
Scandals: The Hills has had several seasons to get a head start on this category. There was the infamous sex tape scandal; as well as small skirmishes, such Lauren's splintering friendships with (choose one) Heidi/Audrina/Stephanie; and former friends turned enemies, Spencer vs. Brody.
So far, the biggest scandals we've seen on The City have been Adam kissing another woman while his girl was out of town; Whitney leaving work to go look at an apartment; and Olivia's cousin getting a ticket for spitting in public.
Hey, guess what? I got a parking ticket last week, left work early on Friday and I'm pregnant! My life is officially more exciting than anyone's in The City... and I can't even drink alcohol right now.
The Hills: 2
The City: 2
I officially declare this battle a draw.
Bottom line: Is there really a victor in a contest of banal reality (cough*scripted*cough) shows? The City's cast features slightly more likeable people, so if I were forced to choose friends, it'd probably be them. But for entertainment purposes, I'd rather watch The Hills. I may say that I hate Spencer and the crying, but it sure passes the time better than watching Whitney go to non-lunches with co-workers, or seeing Olivia teeter down the street in sky-high heels.
After all, Whitney Port spent several years as Lauren Conrad's co-worker and friend before she branched out to New York and scored her own TV show. As a fan of Whitney (come on, she was easily the most put together cast member of The Hills), I was looking forward to her being the star of her own show. Plus, she had a job in fashion in New York. What's not to love?
As it turns out, a lot. It's just as annoying as The Hills can be, but for different reasons. Let's compare:
Love to hate characters: OK, so The Hills has Spencer Pratt, one of the biggest "reality" TV villains ever. During the first episode of The City, it seemed like Olivia was going to be an irritating, elitist witch, what with her million pairs of Manolos and fancy dinner parties. But so far, she's turned out to be sort of benign, if not boring.
She simply cannot compare to Spencer, who treats Heidi like crap, makes her mother cry and has that ridiculous, rodent-pelt growing from his face. And, we have a winner!
The Hills: 1
The City: 0
Conversation skills: On The City, all the characters manage to speak in complete sentences. Granted, their conversations might be a snoozefest, but at least they don't all break off mid-sentence.
Lauren and company are boring as well, but they also communicate as though they took a giant, mind-erasing bong hit in the middle of a thought, ie: "I can't decide if I should talk to Audrina, or ..."
So.... we'd rather talk to Whitney or Erin, thanks.
The Hills: 1
The City: 1
Crying: Between Lauren, Audrina and Stephanie, mascara tears are probably shed on nearly every episode of The Hills. Lauren gets upset when Audrina is too busy to ask her leading questions about her life. Audrina weeps over Justin Bobby. And Stephanie is generally unstable, although being related to Spencer is reason enough to cry on a regular basis.
But so far, we haven't seen Whit or her pals shed any tears. Maybe they're too busy working and/or maintaining a small shred of personal dignity. Chalk one up for The City.
Hills: 1
The City: 2
Scandals: The Hills has had several seasons to get a head start on this category. There was the infamous sex tape scandal; as well as small skirmishes, such Lauren's splintering friendships with (choose one) Heidi/Audrina/Stephanie; and former friends turned enemies, Spencer vs. Brody.
So far, the biggest scandals we've seen on The City have been Adam kissing another woman while his girl was out of town; Whitney leaving work to go look at an apartment; and Olivia's cousin getting a ticket for spitting in public.
Hey, guess what? I got a parking ticket last week, left work early on Friday and I'm pregnant! My life is officially more exciting than anyone's in The City... and I can't even drink alcohol right now.
The Hills: 2
The City: 2
I officially declare this battle a draw.
Bottom line: Is there really a victor in a contest of banal reality (cough*scripted*cough) shows? The City's cast features slightly more likeable people, so if I were forced to choose friends, it'd probably be them. But for entertainment purposes, I'd rather watch The Hills. I may say that I hate Spencer and the crying, but it sure passes the time better than watching Whitney go to non-lunches with co-workers, or seeing Olivia teeter down the street in sky-high heels.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
25 Things
So, I've been tagged to post "25 random things about myself" on Facebook, like, 8 times. And finally, I am bored enough to do it. But I won't post it there, because I'll feel too lame (in front of the people I barely know but are my "friends"). So I'm doing it here instead.
Feel free to ignore.
1. If I could get up early enough to make them, I would eat tamales or enchiladas for breakfast at least once a week.
2. I only thought I'd live in Louisville for a few years. April will make six years.
3. I sometimes wonder what my natural hair color is. But not enough to stop coloring it.
4. It may or may not be true, but I think astrology can explain a lot about a person.
5. Shoes are my weakness.
6. Lately, I've had a couple of dreams that Michelle Obama and I are friends, and we go shopping together at J. Crew.
7. Every time I buy a Powerball ticket, I'm positive that I will win.
8. The teenager in me would have never believed this, but I now hate talking on the phone.
9. It's so cold at my job, I usually huddle underneath a pink Hello Kitty blanket at my desk.
10. I watch Young & The Restless every night at 7 p.m. on SoapNet.
11. Mayonnaise, mushrooms and black licorice make me shudder.
12. Vacuuming and folding laundry are my two favorite household chores.
13. Converting over to one of those flat wallets changed my life.
14. I'm happiest when I'm wearing a dress and heels.
15. I have at least 50 shades of eyeshadow, maybe more.
16. It pisses me off when I can't sleep past 7:30 on weekends. Why do you wake me up, body? WHY?
17. I love the Golden Girls. I watch them a lot when I go to bed at night.
18. The heated seats in my car almost make winter bearable.
19. I wonder why so many people in Louisville are absolutely incapable of posing for any photo without flashing a peace sign or some "I'm the shit" look on their face. Is it a regional thing, or are they just idiots?
20. I hate that I live so far away from so many of my close girlfriends.
21. The two best Christmas presents I have ever received are: My dog, Lucy, and my GPS, which saves me untold amounts of gas and miles on my car.
22. I just ate some cereal and it wasn't very satisfying. Should have had toast instead.
23. Unless I want to cry, I have to change the channel when I see sad news stories about animals -- or when that ASPCA commericial with Sarah McLachlan comes on.
24. I'm starting to get some ADD writing this list. Ten things would have been plenty.
25. I'm counting down the days until the return of my favorite Sunday night shows: True Blood, Dexter and Mad Men.
Feel free to ignore.
1. If I could get up early enough to make them, I would eat tamales or enchiladas for breakfast at least once a week.
2. I only thought I'd live in Louisville for a few years. April will make six years.
3. I sometimes wonder what my natural hair color is. But not enough to stop coloring it.
4. It may or may not be true, but I think astrology can explain a lot about a person.
5. Shoes are my weakness.
6. Lately, I've had a couple of dreams that Michelle Obama and I are friends, and we go shopping together at J. Crew.
7. Every time I buy a Powerball ticket, I'm positive that I will win.
8. The teenager in me would have never believed this, but I now hate talking on the phone.
9. It's so cold at my job, I usually huddle underneath a pink Hello Kitty blanket at my desk.
10. I watch Young & The Restless every night at 7 p.m. on SoapNet.
11. Mayonnaise, mushrooms and black licorice make me shudder.
12. Vacuuming and folding laundry are my two favorite household chores.
13. Converting over to one of those flat wallets changed my life.
14. I'm happiest when I'm wearing a dress and heels.
15. I have at least 50 shades of eyeshadow, maybe more.
16. It pisses me off when I can't sleep past 7:30 on weekends. Why do you wake me up, body? WHY?
17. I love the Golden Girls. I watch them a lot when I go to bed at night.
18. The heated seats in my car almost make winter bearable.
19. I wonder why so many people in Louisville are absolutely incapable of posing for any photo without flashing a peace sign or some "I'm the shit" look on their face. Is it a regional thing, or are they just idiots?
20. I hate that I live so far away from so many of my close girlfriends.
21. The two best Christmas presents I have ever received are: My dog, Lucy, and my GPS, which saves me untold amounts of gas and miles on my car.
22. I just ate some cereal and it wasn't very satisfying. Should have had toast instead.
23. Unless I want to cry, I have to change the channel when I see sad news stories about animals -- or when that ASPCA commericial with Sarah McLachlan comes on.
24. I'm starting to get some ADD writing this list. Ten things would have been plenty.
25. I'm counting down the days until the return of my favorite Sunday night shows: True Blood, Dexter and Mad Men.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
TV Throwdown: Hank Moody Vs. Jimmy McNulty
I recently finished watching the entire series of The Wire, via Netflix. All the while, the functional drunkenness of Detective Jimmy McNulty reminded me of another TV character, but I couldn't put my finger on it until last week. Then it hit me: McNulty is like the cop version of Californication's Hank Moody, a boozing, pot-smoking, womanizing writer.
So, they seemed like a perfect match-up for a TV Throwdown. Bottoms up!
Functionality while under the influence: When Hank drinks, he "accidentally" has sex with other women, including the "mouth raping" encounter during the most recent season.
McNulty does the same, but he also drives home every time, endangering the lives of others. Also, McNulty is an incredibly sloppy drunk – so much that we can't imagine why women would still sleep with him when he can't even walk. Gross.
Hank: 1
McNulty: 0
Fathering skills: Hank and McNulty both love their kids, though they could both be much more attentive. Still, when McNulty left his young boys alone in the middle of the night to go get laid, that was just too much.
Now that Karen is moving to New York, Hank is about to have full custody of Becca – and their relationship is a close one. That shows more responsibility than we see coming from McNulty.
Hank: 2
McNulty: 0
Work ethic: When they're inspired, both men are pretty much the best at what they do. McNulty is one of the most talented murder and major crimes police to ever have worked in Baltimore. He has a natural instinct, and doesn't let anything (including bosses or rules) get in the way of solving a case.
Hank is a brilliant, best-selling writer, but has several stretches of writer's block (read: unemployment) under his belt.
Hank: 2
McNulty:1
Relationship potential: Is there really any relationship potential with two serial cheaters? I think these guys love their women as much as they're capable of loving a person. But their dipsticks run the show, so nobody wins.
Hank: 2
McNulty: 1
Personal hygiene: Let's be real: Both of these guys can appear incredibly disheveled.
When McNulty was working on the (bogus) serial killer case in season five, he sometimes went days without taking showers. He went to work, then on a bender at night, then home with some random woman, and then would return to work – in the same clothes – reeking of sex and alcohol. Three days in a row. Shudder.
While Hank doesn't have a great variety in his wardrobe (his closet must be filled with black t-shirts and jeans), you can never see the fumes rising from his body like Pig Pen in the Peanuts. He may not always be clean-shaven, but he's usually clean.
Hank: 3
McNulty: 1
Bottom line: Both Hank and McNulty have tried to stop drinking, but we think Hank has the most potential to lead a relatively normal life. Especially now that he's got Becca to look out for. If that won't make a man grow up, nothing will.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I Pledge Allegiance To The United States Of Tara
In general theory, the title character for Showtime's new black comedy United States of Tara (which premieres at 10 p.m. Sunday) reminds me a little bit of Nancy Botwin from Weeds.
They're both suburban moms with seemingly ordinary lives – and they both have more to them than meets the eye. Tara (Toni Collette) has dissociative identity disorder, better known as multiple personalities; and Nancy, of course, is a widow who started selling weed to support her family.
And at first, both situations are portrayed as kind of quaint. Oh, look at Nancy try to sell a baggie of weed at the college – tee hee! Oh look, someone that looks a lot like mom just dropped the c-word and made vulgar hand gestures at the dinner table – how funny!
Well, the wheels have fallen off Nancy's seemingly innocent ride over the seasons, and we expect to see more tangible effects of Tara's condition as well. But the season premiere of Tara is nothing like the typical dark, depressing portrayals of multiple personalities (Sybil comes to mind). It's fairly lighthearted, funny and incredibly endearing. And let's face it, with Academy Award winning creator Diablo Cody (Juno) and executive producer Steven Spielberg at the helm, it's destined for greatness.
In the first installment of the show, we meet two of Tara's alter egos, which present themselves when Tara is faced with stressful situations that, for some reason, she can't handle herself.
T is a foul-mouthed, weed smokin', sexually charged teenager who wears black nail polish, has a MySpace page and doesn't care that lingerie are meant to be worn underneath clothes.
Buck is a male, gun-toting, redneck bigot with a preference for trucker hats, ratty jeans and porn. A Vietnam vet, Buck has a tendency toward violence and is easily provoked.
A third personality – Alice, a prudish, 1960s-era homemaker – appears in later episodes.
I can't imagine another actress pulling this off quite like Collette, who seamlessly brings each distinct personality to life. Four different actresses couldn't do it better; she is simply brilliant in this multi-faceted role.
But of course, Tara's constant changes do shake things up for her husband, Max (John Corbett), and teenage kids, Kate (Brie Larson) and Marshall (Keir Gilchrist). Think about it: Most teenagers are pretty much embarrassed by anything their parents do, so having the added pressure of Buck showing up at your ballet recital or Alice at a meeting with your teacher would definitely raise the angst level.
"Why can't mom just be manic depressive like all the other moms?," Kate laments in the first episode.
Still, the family unit here is strong – Tara included, when she's around – and all of them handle the changes with grace and sympathy. Max and Tara have been married 17 years, and he's able to keep things "normal" as different personalities show up for different occasions. Max's warm personality and obvious adoration for his wife are obvious, even early on.
The one sticking point is Tara's sister, Charmaine (Rosemarie DeWitt), who pooh-poohs the idea that Tara has a disease. Instead, Charmaine implies that she's making it up.
But if Charmaine were around when Buck was dispensing this, er, wise advice to Kate ("You don't want to go makin' no babies until you're 16 and can support ‘em"), she might be more willing to believe.
Showtime has another hit on its hands with Tara, and I'm certainly looking forward to getting to know her (and T, Buck and Alice) a lot better.
They're both suburban moms with seemingly ordinary lives – and they both have more to them than meets the eye. Tara (Toni Collette) has dissociative identity disorder, better known as multiple personalities; and Nancy, of course, is a widow who started selling weed to support her family.
And at first, both situations are portrayed as kind of quaint. Oh, look at Nancy try to sell a baggie of weed at the college – tee hee! Oh look, someone that looks a lot like mom just dropped the c-word and made vulgar hand gestures at the dinner table – how funny!
Well, the wheels have fallen off Nancy's seemingly innocent ride over the seasons, and we expect to see more tangible effects of Tara's condition as well. But the season premiere of Tara is nothing like the typical dark, depressing portrayals of multiple personalities (Sybil comes to mind). It's fairly lighthearted, funny and incredibly endearing. And let's face it, with Academy Award winning creator Diablo Cody (Juno) and executive producer Steven Spielberg at the helm, it's destined for greatness.
In the first installment of the show, we meet two of Tara's alter egos, which present themselves when Tara is faced with stressful situations that, for some reason, she can't handle herself.
T is a foul-mouthed, weed smokin', sexually charged teenager who wears black nail polish, has a MySpace page and doesn't care that lingerie are meant to be worn underneath clothes.
Buck is a male, gun-toting, redneck bigot with a preference for trucker hats, ratty jeans and porn. A Vietnam vet, Buck has a tendency toward violence and is easily provoked.
A third personality – Alice, a prudish, 1960s-era homemaker – appears in later episodes.
I can't imagine another actress pulling this off quite like Collette, who seamlessly brings each distinct personality to life. Four different actresses couldn't do it better; she is simply brilliant in this multi-faceted role.
But of course, Tara's constant changes do shake things up for her husband, Max (John Corbett), and teenage kids, Kate (Brie Larson) and Marshall (Keir Gilchrist). Think about it: Most teenagers are pretty much embarrassed by anything their parents do, so having the added pressure of Buck showing up at your ballet recital or Alice at a meeting with your teacher would definitely raise the angst level.
"Why can't mom just be manic depressive like all the other moms?," Kate laments in the first episode.
Still, the family unit here is strong – Tara included, when she's around – and all of them handle the changes with grace and sympathy. Max and Tara have been married 17 years, and he's able to keep things "normal" as different personalities show up for different occasions. Max's warm personality and obvious adoration for his wife are obvious, even early on.
The one sticking point is Tara's sister, Charmaine (Rosemarie DeWitt), who pooh-poohs the idea that Tara has a disease. Instead, Charmaine implies that she's making it up.
But if Charmaine were around when Buck was dispensing this, er, wise advice to Kate ("You don't want to go makin' no babies until you're 16 and can support ‘em"), she might be more willing to believe.
Showtime has another hit on its hands with Tara, and I'm certainly looking forward to getting to know her (and T, Buck and Alice) a lot better.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The City: Pop Quiz
The latest installment of The City was so boring and so predictable, we bet any regular Hills or City fan can pass the following pop quiz, even if you didn't tune in. So let's get on with it, shall we?
1. When Whitney toils away at work, what does that entail?
A) Gossiping with co-workers, discussing her lack of a real relationship over blaring music a DVF event and occasionally making sure mannequins do not remain naked.
B) Dressing mannequins and answering phones with sprinkled with a small bit of gossiping during her breaks.
2. In The City, what is a social?
A) A planned event that people attend.
B) A socialite. "It's, like, an abbreviation." – Olivia.
C) A synonym for going to work.
D) B and C
3. After Erin gushed about her and Duncan's "I love you" exchange last week, how does she react when Duncan says he wants to move to New York to further their relationship?
A) With dismay. She wants their relationship to remain long-distance, because it's always best to be miles away from the one you love.
B) "OK, but if you plan to sleep on my pillowcases ever again, you have to wash your hair at least once a week."
C). "Hopefully we can watch ‘The Sound of Music' or ‘Titanic' every night!"
4. Is Erin most likely going to be a slut?
A) Yes.
B) Yes.
C) Yes.
5. Why does Whitney goes out to lunch with a male co-worker, Chris?
A) To boost her ego.
B) To try and make Jay jealous.
C) Because "it's my life, it's my time."
6. Out of the five different meal scenes that were shown, how many times is someone actually seen chewing on, or eating food?
A) 5
B) 2
C) 1
7. When Jay munched on his chips and swilled his beer during dinner with Whitney, it made you...
A) Hungry
B) Thirsty
C) Hungry and thirsty
D) Thankful you don't have to see more people eating on this show.
8. When Whitney is talking to Erin about her uncertain future with Jay, she wonders "Why won't he communicate with me?" What is the correct response to this?
A) "Because he's sick of beating a dead horse."
B) "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
C) "What's communication? I thought we were just on this show to look cute, push our food around on plates and run into each other at awkward moments."
D) Any of the above.
9. When Jay tells his roommate, Adam, that he's ready to ask Whitney to be his girlfriend, how does he phrase it in man-speak?
A) "She's a wonderful woman, and I don't want to lose her."
B) "I don't want her going to lunch with d*****bags. It's on lockdown. It's Jay's now."
C) "I'm ready to settle down with my girl. Anyone that can kiss my scraggly beard face without getting a rash is worth hanging on to."
10. How does Jay ask Whitney to be his main squeeze?
A) "Let's put this on lockdown, babe."
B) "Would you like my half-beard to be your steady skin exfoliator? Be mine!"
C) "I think we maybe now could try and take things to the next level and you could be my girlfriend."
D) "It's your life and you can do what you want. But it'd be a lot cooler if you were my woman."
ANSWERS: 1. A
2. D
3. A
4. A, B, C
5. C
6. B (Erin and Jay)
7. D
8. D
9. B
10. C
8-10 right: Expert. Admit it: The City has you on lockdown.
6-8 right: Fan. Just like Days of our Lives, The City is a show you only need to watch once a month to stay apprised of situations.
4-6 right: Casual bystander. You could take The City or leave it. Kind of like Erin with her boyfriends.
0-3 right: Congratulations, you have a life! There is still time to replenish your brain cells. Go to the library immediately.
1. When Whitney toils away at work, what does that entail?
A) Gossiping with co-workers, discussing her lack of a real relationship over blaring music a DVF event and occasionally making sure mannequins do not remain naked.
B) Dressing mannequins and answering phones with sprinkled with a small bit of gossiping during her breaks.
2. In The City, what is a social?
A) A planned event that people attend.
B) A socialite. "It's, like, an abbreviation." – Olivia.
C) A synonym for going to work.
D) B and C
3. After Erin gushed about her and Duncan's "I love you" exchange last week, how does she react when Duncan says he wants to move to New York to further their relationship?
A) With dismay. She wants their relationship to remain long-distance, because it's always best to be miles away from the one you love.
B) "OK, but if you plan to sleep on my pillowcases ever again, you have to wash your hair at least once a week."
C). "Hopefully we can watch ‘The Sound of Music' or ‘Titanic' every night!"
4. Is Erin most likely going to be a slut?
A) Yes.
B) Yes.
C) Yes.
5. Why does Whitney goes out to lunch with a male co-worker, Chris?
A) To boost her ego.
B) To try and make Jay jealous.
C) Because "it's my life, it's my time."
6. Out of the five different meal scenes that were shown, how many times is someone actually seen chewing on, or eating food?
A) 5
B) 2
C) 1
7. When Jay munched on his chips and swilled his beer during dinner with Whitney, it made you...
A) Hungry
B) Thirsty
C) Hungry and thirsty
D) Thankful you don't have to see more people eating on this show.
8. When Whitney is talking to Erin about her uncertain future with Jay, she wonders "Why won't he communicate with me?" What is the correct response to this?
A) "Because he's sick of beating a dead horse."
B) "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
C) "What's communication? I thought we were just on this show to look cute, push our food around on plates and run into each other at awkward moments."
D) Any of the above.
9. When Jay tells his roommate, Adam, that he's ready to ask Whitney to be his girlfriend, how does he phrase it in man-speak?
A) "She's a wonderful woman, and I don't want to lose her."
B) "I don't want her going to lunch with d*****bags. It's on lockdown. It's Jay's now."
C) "I'm ready to settle down with my girl. Anyone that can kiss my scraggly beard face without getting a rash is worth hanging on to."
10. How does Jay ask Whitney to be his main squeeze?
A) "Let's put this on lockdown, babe."
B) "Would you like my half-beard to be your steady skin exfoliator? Be mine!"
C) "I think we maybe now could try and take things to the next level and you could be my girlfriend."
D) "It's your life and you can do what you want. But it'd be a lot cooler if you were my woman."
ANSWERS: 1. A
2. D
3. A
4. A, B, C
5. C
6. B (Erin and Jay)
7. D
8. D
9. B
10. C
8-10 right: Expert. Admit it: The City has you on lockdown.
6-8 right: Fan. Just like Days of our Lives, The City is a show you only need to watch once a month to stay apprised of situations.
4-6 right: Casual bystander. You could take The City or leave it. Kind of like Erin with her boyfriends.
0-3 right: Congratulations, you have a life! There is still time to replenish your brain cells. Go to the library immediately.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
24 is back -- and so is Tony Almeida!
Poor Jack Bauer.
The put-upon main character of 24 (played by Kiefer Sutherland) has gone nearly as many rounds over the years with the U.S. government as he has terrorists. One minute, our country is punishing Bauer for ignoring procedure on matters of terrorism and national security. The next, he's being summoned from (insert one: a Chinese prison, his job with defense secretary James Heller, his work at an oil refinery, etc.) because he's the only one who can save the American people from evildoers.
In other words, he's Batman with more guns and better instincts, minus the goofy outfit.
And when 24 finally returns for its four-hour, two-night season seven premiere extravaganza (8 p.m. Sunday and Monday nights on FOX), things haven't changed much.
After having turned himself to the U.S. government in order to save the lives of African children in November's prequel, 24: Redemption, Bauer is now in a Senate hearing regarding his inappropriate actions during his time with CTU. And he's questioned for approximately three minutes before FBI Agent Renee Walker (Annie Wersching) retrieves him.
CTU has been disbanded, so the feds are handling terrorism threats and – surprise, surprise – they need Bauer immediately.
The current threat: Bauer's old CTU buddy, Tony Almeida (Carlos Bernard), has miraculously risen from the dead and is thought to be operating a homegrown terrorist group that is allegedly working with/for a dangerous African militia. (Almeida's resurrection will be explained in the premieres.)
As is fairly typical of the show, the first couple of hours are filled with various storylines that will inevitably intertwine. And they're all the kinds of things that always make 24 so action-packed and edge-of-your-seat exciting.
Kidnapping and deep-seeded government corruption? Check. Snipers, rapid gunfire eruptions and secrets kept from the President? Uh-huh. People stupid enough to think that they know better than, or can control, Bauer? Of course. Bauer escaping a highly secure government facility in the most ridiculous manner imaginable? You bet.
And oh, how I've missed Bauer's catchphrases: "We're running out of time!," "Dammit!" – and my personal favorite – "DO IT!," which usually follows a command such as "drop your weapon!"
Now, you can never get too attached to people on 24 because so many of them bite the dust, but season seven introduces some intriguing new characters that we hope stick around. Janeane Garofalo shows up as slightly neurotic Agent Janis Gold, who appears to be the FBI version of CTU's Chloe O'Brian (Mary Lynn Rajskub). Agent Walker looks like she'll be a total rogue/bad-ass -- a female Bauer, perhaps?
The decisive leadership style of new President Allison Taylor (Cherry Jones) also shows a lot of promise. Early on, she proves that she's willing to go head-to-head with her advisers, focus on solutions instead of problems and follow her gut instincts. What remains to be seen is if those instincts are any good.
As for throwback characters, it's great to see Almeida back – he was always a fan favorite and for the ladies, a nice bit of eye candy. (He's got a gnarly scar above his left eye now -- sexy!) But other popular CTU alums will also make their way back come Monday night. CTU may be shut down, but several old staffers are still in play.
Ultimately, 24 fans will be pleased come Sunday and Monday, especially after such a long hiatus between seasons. While the intense, fast-paced the formula is the same, several fresh storylines (the competence of the FBI vs. CTU, in particular) will invigorate the series.
So mark your calendars or set your DVRs right now.
DO IT!
Friday, January 9, 2009
For the love of God, where is my DVD?!
So, I ordered this yoga DVD off of Amazon last week. Usually, Amazon stuff gets here quickly, but I haven't even received an email that it's been shipped yet.
I just read fine print on the email order confirmation, however, which revealed my order would be arrive 3-16 days after shipping. 16 days? Are they strapping this fucking thing to the back of a turtle?
Geez.
I just read fine print on the email order confirmation, however, which revealed my order would be arrive 3-16 days after shipping. 16 days? Are they strapping this fucking thing to the back of a turtle?
Geez.
Monday, January 5, 2009
The City Recap: We Found Audrina and Justin Bobby in the Big Apple
In retrospect, it's easy to see why Whitney was the most likable character on The Hills. It's because she was always the one asking the questions instead of exposing too much of her own personal life.
She's still a nice woman and all, but as we tread deeper into The City, a scenario that smells an awful lot like Audrina and Justin Bobby is starting to unfold.
The second installment of the show opens with Erin and her Canadian boyfriend, Duncan, sitting on the couch messing around with the guitar, and having a nice intimate moment – until Whitney comes in and interrupts.
(Duncan is from Toronto and visiting for the week, and as you'll remember, Whit is crashing with Erin in her one-bedroom place until she finds her own apartment.)
Whitney: "You must really like Erin."
Duncan: Crickets. Friendly!
Erin and Duncan start talking about what movies they might watch that night (Titanic or The Sound of Music? Are you freakin' kidding me?), and Whitney gets ready to leave.
"Have fun," Duncan says. Translation: Get. Out.
At work, Whitney is helping style a photo shoot when Jay calls. He found an apartment for her to look at, and she considers leaving work right then to look at it. We always thought Whitney had a work ethic! "I feel like I should see it," she tells Olivia, "but obviously, (work) is my first priority."
Obviously. She ends up scooting out early to see the spot – on the 30th floor of a brand new building. Whitney seems uncertain about choosing the first place she sees, but after Jay eludes that they'll "finally have alone time," she takes it.
Back at work, Whitney tells Olivia about the place, and that Jay is going to help her move that weekend. Olivia offers unsolicited advice: "You have to be independent, I hope you're not too demanding on Jay. You have to be your own person."
Erin and Duncan go to a bar and have a snoozer of a conversation about long-distance relationships, which all of the sudden makes watching a three-hour sapfest about a sinking ship seem like a day at the amusement park.
Fast forward a few days, and Whitney's getting moved in to her new place. Erin tells Whit and Jay that she and Duncan had declared their love for one another the night before. Jay admonishes her, saying it's too soon. "You throw that word around too quickly and easily," he says.
Later, Whit and Erin discuss the "I love you" exchange alone, and conclude that if it feels right, it's never too soon to drop the ILY bomb. Whitney decides that she ask Jay where the relationship is headed (again). We start to think Olivia's advice wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Olivia talks to her cousin Nevan at her place. He tells her he got a $100 fine for spitting in public, but he thought it was perfectly legal since he saw some chick do it on Flavor of Love. She tells Nevan that Whitney should start taking her advice, for she is the all-knowing Oz.
At yet another meal where nobody is seen eating, Jay and Whitney discuss the Erin and Duncan sitch, which leads to a chat about their relationship. Soon, Jay's inner Justin Bobby is revealed! He thinks getting caught up in boyfriend/girlfriend labels is stupid. "I don't want it to feel like it's all about the relationship," he says, as Whitney admits that she would like to be his girlfriend if that's what he wanted. But if he's not ready for that, then she doesn't want that.
Awkward!
"So it's all good?" he asks.
Whitney reiterates that going with the flow is no biggie to her ... but her face looks like a dump truck just ran over the Manolos she bought last week.
To end the show, Jay suggests they eat. He orders a plate of He's Not That Into You, and Whitney gets a slice of Desperation Pie.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Back in business!
I know you've been wondering how I'm holding up without the big TV. Oh, you haven't? You think I should read more?
Huh.
Well, no matter. The TV is back! I unplugged it for about 5 hours and now it's working again. Hooray! And just so you know, the first thing I'm going to do is do an exercise video. It's not quite a book, but it won't deteriorate my brain like The Hills, either.
Happy weekend!
Huh.
Well, no matter. The TV is back! I unplugged it for about 5 hours and now it's working again. Hooray! And just so you know, the first thing I'm going to do is do an exercise video. It's not quite a book, but it won't deteriorate my brain like The Hills, either.
Happy weekend!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Is this a sign?
Happy new year!
I'm sad to report that our giant, LCD TV is experiencing serious issues -- which means I'm also having some serious issues. Long story short, I get sound from the TV, but no picture. But I do get a picture when I watch DVDS. Weird.
Whether it's a problem with the cable box, or a problem with the TV itself (which is still under warranty, thank God), nobody is in any office to help me today.
Which means I'll have to watch one of the other, smaller, non-HD TVs while I take down the Christmas tree, fold laundry and weed out some of my clothes to give away. This may not sound like a big deal to you. Before we got this TV, I wouldn't have thought so, either.
But after watching insanely crisp television for almost a year, this is like going from prime rib to Steak-Ums. Or from a fabulous pair of pumps to grungy Birkenstocks. Or from a Bentley to a 1987 Ford Festiva.
Plus, my husband is out of town right now, so the only place I'll get to see him is on the tube, and I want to see him BIG.
Are the gods of "You Should Read More Often" fucking with me? Probably. But hey, you can't read while you fold laundry and put Christmas back in a box, so what the hell am I supposed to do?
Oh well. If this is my biggest problem for 2009, I feel pretty fortunate. Thanks for listening.
Cheers, everybody!
I'm sad to report that our giant, LCD TV is experiencing serious issues -- which means I'm also having some serious issues. Long story short, I get sound from the TV, but no picture. But I do get a picture when I watch DVDS. Weird.
Whether it's a problem with the cable box, or a problem with the TV itself (which is still under warranty, thank God), nobody is in any office to help me today.
Which means I'll have to watch one of the other, smaller, non-HD TVs while I take down the Christmas tree, fold laundry and weed out some of my clothes to give away. This may not sound like a big deal to you. Before we got this TV, I wouldn't have thought so, either.
But after watching insanely crisp television for almost a year, this is like going from prime rib to Steak-Ums. Or from a fabulous pair of pumps to grungy Birkenstocks. Or from a Bentley to a 1987 Ford Festiva.
Plus, my husband is out of town right now, so the only place I'll get to see him is on the tube, and I want to see him BIG.
Are the gods of "You Should Read More Often" fucking with me? Probably. But hey, you can't read while you fold laundry and put Christmas back in a box, so what the hell am I supposed to do?
Oh well. If this is my biggest problem for 2009, I feel pretty fortunate. Thanks for listening.
Cheers, everybody!
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