Project Runway: Workin' for a living

Oh, college, how I miss you.

Who doesn't long for the good old days: When showing up to class with bedhead and a hangover could be considered a badge of honor. When boxer shorts and t-shirt from a fraternity party seemed like a completely acceptable outfit. When the thought of having a real job wasn’t quite on your radar yet.

But every college grad needs a reality check, and six of them got it last night on Project Runway. Designers had to create a makeover look for recent graduates, transforming them from jeans-and-wifebeater wearers to professional young ladies.

And in the end, the resulting designs take me back to some of my own past jobs...

Bus girl: Scraping people’s breakfast remnants off a plate and cleaning up the crap their kids dropped on the carpeted floor can be a pretty thankless job. But I’d rather do that than be caught dead in Suede’s revolting jacket and dress ensemble. He sucked all the fun out of a lively, Pucci-style print by pairing it with the ugliest jacket known to man.

Entertainment reporter: This is a fun job with a lot of variety, just like Korto’s leafy wrap dress, which she put underneath a textured khaki jacket with leather piping. It was interesting and lively, just like a conversation with the late George Carlin.

Hardware slinger: In high school, I worked at hardware store slinging nuts, bolts and what have you. Just as hammers and nails are basic things everyone should have in their tool box, a dress and jacket ensemble are good staples for a closet. Sadly, Leanne’s drab offerings generated about as much interest I had in this job... which is why I left when something better came along.

Secretary: In this job, I had to be friendly and personable. And as much as it pains me to say it (because let’s face it, Kenley is such a conceited asshat), this describes her vintage-inspired dress. It’s fairly fresh and cute and I’d wear it to greet just about anyone. However, not unlike a secretary’s duties, Kenley’s designs seem little bit repetitive each week. Is it just me, or is she a one-trick pony?

Famous novelist: OK, OK, I haven’t really had this job. (Yet.) But if I did and if my hips were smaller, I would totally wear Jerell’s high-waisted pencil skirt, slinky top and man-inspired cardigan to many a book-signing. It was the perfect look for his client’s body type... and it won him the challenge! His look and his college grad will appear in Elle magazine as a prize.

Clerk at a health club: During college, I worked at a fitness center, where I checked membership cards and signed out basketballs and racquetballs. But, I also had to do members’ laundry if they so desired. I’m sure you can imagine how totally awesome it was when a guy slapped his sweaty jockstrap, shorts and socks up on the counter after two hours on the basketball court.
It was just as awesome as Joe’s frumpy skirt suit, channeled straight from the 1980s, minus the shoulder pads.

The judges hated it, and Joe is the latest designer to bite the dust.