I'm going crazy -- want a lift?

Summary haiku:
Time flies when life is
busy. Wine helps, but Vegas
trip is what I need.

Happy Valentine's Day!

After a delicious, candlelit Italian meal (sorry, diet!) at our new dining room table, Kyle and I are having the most romantic evening. He is watching a basketball game with Miles (the cat) curled in the nook of his leg. I'm messing around on the computer, Lucy's head resting on my thigh and Archie's head nuzzled against my neck (he's on the back of the couch cushion).

But after our tummies retract a little bit, me and the hubbster will actually probably snuggle each other and watch a movie or something. Because honestly, red wine makes me want to cuddle someone without fur. (Side note: Covey Run wine from Washington state... try it.)

Anyway. It's been a really hellish three weeks (with the exception of last weekend, which included a visit from Danielle and Javacia's birthday). You don't care about the details. Hell, I'd just as soon forget them myself. But suffice it to say that I've felt like a monkey with its hair on fire for weeks.

But here's the good news: Out of nowhere, I get this email from one of my favorite girlfriends of all time, Beth. I can't say enough about how much I love this woman. Anyway, the email said she was going to Las Vegas for a work trip, the hotel room is already paid for, and did I want to meet her there and play for a few days?


Hellz to the yeah.

This is exactly what I needed, and it could not have come with better timing. The trip isn't for another month, but that's perfect because it gives me some time to reclaim my sanity and, perhaps, lose some more poundage before I go someplace warm, where I will not be wearing 50 layers of clothing.

(Fattie update: I've lost 11 pounds now. Probably could have lost more if it were not for aforementioned fun weekend filled with girlfriends, non-Weight Watchers dinners and lots of alcohol. What can I say? Stress made me relapse for a few days. Still, all of my pants are too big, which is fun, but also annoying.)

Only been to Las Vegas once, for my bachelorette party in 2005, which is also the last time I've seen Beth. See how fun (and sober) she is?



So I'm looking forward to exploring a little more and doing some shopping. According to our tax guy, our income tax refunds should drop into the account tomorrow. Maybe things are finally turning around. I'm ready for the crazy train to pull into the station, man.

Oh, and my Chia Pet? It's going apeshit!

Night, lovebirds...

Driving Miss Maisy

Summary haiku:
No more U-turns, or
punching steering wheel. Mandy
tells me where to go.



Well. I just made this list of all the stuff that needs to get done in the next day and a half. And I started to freak-the-fuck-out when it reached the bottom fourth of an 8x11 page of notebook paper.

So what's the logical thing to do? Sit down with the laptop and write a blog -- something that is not, incidentally, on that list. Whatever. I'm tired. I haven't been feeling well lately. And I was running around town for work, non-stop, all day.

A girl can only do so much before she hits the wall and needs a swig of vodka. And yes, it does fit into the Weight Watchers plan -- only 2 points! In fact, my good friend Stephanie -- who is also an incredibly talented writer; read her most excellent home-and-life-improvement blog here -- refers to vodka as "diet alcohol." Drink it straight up, and the overall calorie damage is pretty low. I haven't consulted my liver on any other potential damages, however.

Anyhoo, this is what brings me to my computer tonight: I need to extol the virtues of my Christmas present, a GPS navigation system for my car. Besides my dog, Lucy, this is the best, most useful gift I have ever received.

I have absolutely no sense of direction. I'm not sure how I existed before Mapquest. If someone watched me try to find places from above, it would look like a Family Circus installment:



Anyway, this device is like magic. My appreciation for it grows with each day of out-of-the-office assignments in random areas of town. In addition to a visual map and instructions, you can choose from several different voices who will speak the instructions to you as they happen.

I chose Mandy, a pleasant-sounding American girl. Although, for a fee, you also have the option of download the voice of John Cleese from the website. Personally, I'd prefer Method Man -- "Yo, bus' a left at this stoplight, nah'mean?" -- but beggars can't be choosers.



Mandy warns me to get in the proper lane two miles in advance of the turn. She can find me the nearest gas station, library or school, or take me to any address in the U.S. and Guam. But, unlike other navigators I've experienced, she doesn't talk too much or get all pissed off and yell at you when you make a wrong turn.



Our Realtor's system talks for nearly the entire ride and if you screw up, you get scolded: "TURN AROUND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! TURN AROUND IMMEDIATELY!" Mandy simply recalculates the route from your mistake and pretends it never happened. Just like a girlfriend should.

It has changed my life. And it is helping the environment, because I'm using a helluva lot less gas, and therefore, making less pollution.

I never imagined I'd be quoting Barry Manilow on anything, but I have to say: "Oh Mandy, You came and you gave without taking.... and I need you today, oh Mandy."

OK, time for "Project Runway."