TV Throwdown: Denise Richards Vs. Kendra Wilkinson: Battle of the Blondes

A few weeks ago, E! unleashed notorious blondes to television viewers in two different reality shows. Starring Kendra Wilkinson of The Girls Next Door fame, Kendra (10 p.m.) will follow the buxom blonde as she lives on her own for the first time and plans her wedding to NFL baller, Hank Baskett.
Actress and former Dancing With the Stars contestant Denise Richards is back for a second season of It's Complicated (11 p.m.), where she navigates Hollywood, dating and motherhood.
So, who are we more willing to set our DVRs for? We'll let you know after we pit the two against each other in five categories in a TV Throwdown:

DAMAGE CONTROL
Most suspect that Richards agreed to a reality show to try and repair her tarnished reputation after her bitter divorce from Charlie Sheen, and after being accused of stealing Richie Sambora from her former best friend, Heather Locklear.
Instead, Richards' program proves she's shallow, inane, not too bright – and above all else – boring. In other words, this show isn't doing her any favors.
Wilkinson, who was a mere civilian before becoming one of Hef's girlfriends, has nothing to lose by doing another show. She has no career to speak of, and she's like a cartoon character, made of flesh (and silicone). Since we don't see her heading off to college any time soon, she might as well make some dough doing this.
Denise: 0
Kendra: 1

FAMOUS EXES
Richards' roster most famously includes Charlie Sheen, 44, who, in his life has appreciated the services of prostitutes; became a born again Christian; overdosed on coke; had five kids (two with Richards); and allegedly verbally assaulted and threatened to kill Richards during their divorce. Richards has also been linked to John Stamos, Patrick Muldoon and Richie Sambora.
Wilkinson's claim to fame is being a girlfriend to Hugh Hefner, 83. Hef enjoys wearing silk pajamas during the daytime; is an athiest; throws ridiculously huge parties at his renowned mansion; is technically still married to spouse Kimberley Conrad, but has multiple, rotating girlfriends; has four kids; and has a constant flow of half-naked women around the house.
Neither make great boyfriend material, but least all of Denise's dudes were within her age range.
Denise: 1
Kendra: 1

LAUGH
Hearing people laugh is supposed to make you feel good and jovial. But listening to these annoying blonde babes cackle gives us both an earache and a headache. Kendra sounds a bit like a monotone Woody Woodpecker, while Denise's guffaws are comparable a female version of Louis in Revenge of the Nerds.
But Kendra loses this round, for the simple fact that she assaults us with her laugh more often than Denise does. She cracks up every time she does something stupid. Which is all the time.
Denise: 2
Kendra: 1

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE
I can say this: There aren't a whole lot of specific moments that stand out in my memory from either woman's past shows. In general, Kendra loves to flash her boobs, play sports and meanders through life on a feeble brain and good looks. Denise has had a mediocre acting career, owns too many pets, swears a lot in front of her kids and leads a pretty dull life.
That said, I'd rather watch Kendra learn to do laundry than see Denise get another spray tan. Denise's promotional teaser for her show says it best: "It doesn't matter if I hit a home run or strike out, at least I'm in the game." Um, if you expect us to waste our time watching your show, it matters to us.
Denise: 2
Kendra: 2

"TALENTS"
Denise's short-lived, uncoordinated stint on Dancing With the Stars was terrible -- almost as bad as her rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," which she unleashed upon a crowd at a Chicago Cubs game.
However, Kendra had the most embarrassing showing when she competed on Celebrity Rap Superstar, often forgetting the words during performances and relying on obscene gyrations to propel her.
Still, Kendra is also pretty athletic, proving herself capable at tennis and flag football in various Girls Next Door episodes. Plus, Denise demonstrated her bottomless pit of talentlessness in two separate categories. Kendra barely squeaks by with the win.
Denise: 2
Kendra: 3

Bottom line: While Kendra grated on my last nerve during The Girls Next Door, she is undeniably entertaining and we plan to tune in. Meanwhile, I fell asleep during numerous episodes of It's Complicated. Denise is a train wreck, but I just don't care. Why this show has been renewed, I will never understand.